"Our Best Christmas Present Ever"

Kellah Grace Young

Our precious little girl is here! She is the best Christmas present we could ever ask for!
We are delighted to welcome her to our family and to introduce Kellah to you all.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers throughout the pregnancy and especially these last few days and weeks leading up to her arrival.

I wrote this before Kellah was actually born, not knowing when I would get the chance to blog and express my thoughts and feelings via the internet once I was a mother of two. So some of this will apply to the time before her arrival and some of it deals with explaining how we chose her name and the prayers we have for our new baby girl.

With that said:

I am a planner, and I NEVER would have planned to have a baby in December (or November, for that matter). The holidays make life so busy and I didn’t want any child of mine to have to compete with all the chaos and craziness that takes place between Halloween and New Year’s Day. I think birthdays are extremely special and like to make as big of deal as possible when celebrating my child’s birthday. So again, I didn’t want my child’s birthday to be anywhere near a major holiday, especially ones like Thanksgiving or Christmas. But here I am having a baby in December. And I couldn’t be happier! Little Kellah has come at just the perfect time, and I am so very blessed to have this holiday baby in my arms.

Last year at this time, my heart felt empty and void. I was experiencing grief and sorrow I had never known, nor ever wished to encounter in my entire life. I was asking God “WHY” and left without an answer, except that somehow this would all work out for His glory and my eternal good. While I did find comfort in knowing that God is both in control and a good God, I was still searching for relief from my pain. I was scared, angry, frustrated, confused, disappointed, and had a whole host of other emotions as well. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and let life pass me by.

My precious Coralyn kept me from staying in the depths of despair though (and Lawrence too, of course). She brought such happiness to our lives. Her innocence of the situation brought peace. Her laughter and giggles brought joy. Her new accomplishments allowed for celebration in the midst of mourning. And slowly but surely, life began to return to “normal.”

With some hesitation we began to hope and dream for another baby. Fear and doubt would creep into my heart daily as I wondered if I would ever be able to have a safe and healthy pregnancy again, would ever have the privilege of welcoming another child into the world. God graciously allowed me to become pregnant right after my 27th birthday though, and we were delighted! God went a step further in blessing us, however. Not only did He give us another child, He orchestrated everything so that this baby would be born within days of the time we miscarried. Total redemption! I was blown away when I figured out my due date. God is so awesome! I love how He cares about the tiniest of details of our lives. I love how He can turn tears to laughter, mourning to dancing. And so from the beginning of the pregnancy, I was excited to see all that God has in store for this precious child.

But still, questions remained. Would the same tragedy happen all over again? As each week passed, I grew more and more confident that all would be okay. Every time Satan would try to worm his way into my mind and heart, God would give me verses from Scripture or encouragement from friends. I was able to fight back and come out victorious against Satan’s attacks. Now, here we are just days (I think) from meeting our precious little baby. She has been healthy the entire pregnancy. We haven’t had any complications. Everything looks good to go for the birth. All the supplies are ready. We are just waiting now, waiting for God’s perfect timing yet again.

I don’t like waiting. I am not good at it. I get very impatient. But through all this God has been teaching me to enjoy where I am at, to take in all the “little” moments He gives me each day. Baking with Coralyn, reading books to her, making crafts, having the opportunity to stay at home and just love on my little girl (who is growing up way to fast). I will never get this time back. Once the baby arrives, life will be forever changed, in a good way, but still never the same. Instead of getting impatient or focusing so much on what lies ahead, I need to appreciate what I have now. And boy am I blessed! These past few weeks with just Coralyn have amazing, and hopefully we have created some special memories.

I am ready though, I think, to become a mother of two, and make even more memories, with both of my lovely little ladies. Not only am I ready to welcome this new baby to our family, but to share her with you all. I am so glad that she will have so many wonderful people in her life, to help her see Jesus in action and hopefully bring her to know Him in a personal and life-changing way.


So without any further ado, we would like to introduce you to
Kellah Grace Young!

We picked her name a long, long time ago…before I was even pregnant with her. When we chose her name, we didn’t know exactly what it meant. But of course, God knew. And as usual, He works in mysterious ways, and the meaning is perfect for where we are at in life, and perfect for this little girl, our Christmas baby, our most timely present.

We have three criteria for all of our children’s names: has to come from our family, have a biblical reference, and be unique.

*Family: Coralyn is named after Lawrence’s side. (Lynne is his mom’s middle name. It is also his sister’s middle name. And our niece is Katlynne.) So we decided our next girl would be named after my side of the family. My mom’s middle name is Estella, so we took the “ella” part to create our own unique name of Kellah. At first, we were going to spell it Kella, but just recently we chose to add the “h” at the end. The past few months have been kind of rough for us with our foster care experiences, financial situation, stress at work for Lawrence, and the like. Through it all, God has been so faithful and good. He has shown us that He is with us every step of the way and will always take care of us. He has given us peace that passes understanding. One Sunday while at church I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the demands of life, but the words of each song kept reminding me of God’s power and strength, of the hope I have in Him. Once again, I was overcome with a sense of peace, as if God was helping me breathe and let out all the tension. It was as though He was allowing me to say “ahhhh” in the midst of the unknowns that were causing my fear. Lawrence was deer hunting that weekend, but I explained the situation to him and we agreed to add the “h” to the end of Kellah’s name, seeing as how she is God’s gift to us and has brought us such relief and peace during these uncertain times.

*Biblical Reference: Just like Coralyn Ruth, Kellah’s biblical reference is in her middle name Grace. Simple, yet so profound. God’s grace is a mystery to me. We are so undeserving and yet His love for us never fails. Plus, He lavishes His grace on us so abundantly, not only in the gift of His Son, through whom we have salvation, but also in our daily lives as He protects us and provides for us (often way more than what we really truly need). It is only because of God’s grace that I have life…and hope and joy and peace.

*Unique: We have never heard of another Kellah. We couldn’t even find the name Kella in most of the baby name books or websites we searched.

So, that is how we picked Kellah’s name. The meaning is pretty cool too. Like I said, we didn’t know the meaning when we chose her name, but God did. And it couldn’t be more fitting.

Kellah means “brave warrior.”

We have had to fight against Satan on various fronts this past year. More than ever we have become aware of the spiritual battle that is going on in and around us. God has helped us be more than conquerors though and come out on top against that nasty devil! We pray that our little girl will also fight hard in this epic battle against evil and sin and Satan. We pray that she will stand firm in her faith and come out victorious, putting Satan in his place and letting him know that the Jesus in her is greater than anything he can possibly throw her way.

We also pray that she will boldly stand up for what is right and good once she is in school. Whether she befriends someone who is not very popular or goes against the crowd making herself not very popular. Perhaps she will speak up when a teacher asks about how the world began in science class or share how a Bible verse relates to a moral lesson an author was trying to communicate in book they read. Or maybe she will refuse to attend parties where alcohol and drugs are available. Hopefully, she will give it her all on the athletic field or on the theatrical stage, braving any fears she may have about performing in front of large crowds or comparing her abilities to others. Her battles may come on a more personal level as she works hard to do her best in the classroom, especially if learning doesn’t come easy for her. Whatever the case may be, we pray that Kellah will be a brave warrior at her school.

Kellah’s middle name is Grace.

Like Coralyn, we want Kellah to be a “go-getter,” to love life and adventure, to take risks, to be curious, and to make the most of every moment. But coupled with this tenacity, we pray Kellah will have a quiet grace to her. That she will be a leader by example, not necessarily because she is the most outspoken person in her class. We pray that she will have a sensitive spirit, one that allows her to observe and understand the needs of others, the little things that may go unnoticed unless one takes special time and effort to see inside the heart of another person. We pray that Kellah will possess a gentleness that allows her to reach out to those who are hurting, to touch and impact them in a deep way, a way that leads them to Jesus.

Kellah’s is God’s gracious gift to us. After losing our baby last year at this time, we are blown away by God’s grace in blessing us with Kellah’s arrival, almost to the exact day of our miscarriage. He has turned us full circle, making this time that could have been spent remembering and grieving our unborn baby be a time of celebration and joy as we welcome Kellah to our family. Of course we will always mourn the loss of our child, but God has blessed us with another beautiful and precious baby girl. We couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present! So yes, our hearts are still saddened by what happened last year, but they are filled to overflowing with happiness and delight as well. In His grace, God has given us more than we ever imagined.

And so, this is Kellah Grace.
We look forward to watching her grow and seeing all that God has in store for this little miracle.
We are sure to be blown away!

This Is Out of Control

Earlier this week a friend shared with me something one of her friends had posted on facebook. And now I am going to pass on the friend of a friend's words of wisdom to you (hopefully I come pretty close to the original).

I told God things are out of control. He replied, "Whose control are you talking about? Everything seems to be under control to Me."

How true, how true! So often I feel like my life is spinning out of control. I don't like or understand what is going on. I don't enjoy what is happening. I feel like I am at a loss of what to do or how to solve the "problem." So I throw my hands up in the air, let out a huge sigh or even better just start crying.

I kind of feel like this right now actually. While I may appear calm and relaxed and non-chalant about being "overdue," I am quite ready to have my baby. I am so eager to meet her, and introduce her to the world. After waiting nine months for this special moment, having to hold out a few more days seems like torture. BUT, I know that God has His reasons for making me wait, for "delaying" the baby's birth. He keeps reminding me of Psalm 139 and how He has numbered all the days of this child's life, including the very first day. I know His timing is perfect, and so I try to be patient while I wait for the day He has planned for our little one's arrival.

BUT, I don't like not being in control. I don't like not knowing the details of her birth. I don't like not being able to make definite plans. The verse about not saying "tomorrow we will do this and that" is really hitting home about right now, as we have to keep on telling family and friends, "We'll have to play that one by ear" or "If we haven't had the baby yet..." I have no idea what tomorrow will hold, let alone the rest of today! I really could go into labor at any moment :)

And so right now things seem to be out of control. Not just with the extra days of pregnancy, but also with our financial situation and the unknowns of what the year ahead holds for our family. With all this uncertainty, I find it very easy to think that things are "out of control." All too often these days I find myself all wrapped up in worry, my mind racing a thousand miles an hour as I try to figure out what our next step is going to be and how in the world everything is going to work out. Which is why I am very thankful God used a friend of a friend to remind me that things aren't out of control at all. Quite the contrary. Everything is completely under control -- HIS control.

Big Sister

Nope, Coralyn's not a big sister yet. Didn't want to get your hopes up! ;)

Well, she technically is a big sister already, but the baby just hasn't been born. All in good time...

BUT, I do believe she is ready to fill her role as a big sister. We have talked about her being a big sister, read books about big sisters and their babies, practiced holding baby dolls, and all that good stuff you do to prepare your older child for the arrival of a new baby. I don't really know how much she understands or how prepared she is. She's only two. I do think she gets that we are having a baby and she will be a big sister, but I definitely don't think she realizes how dramatically this little baby is going to change her world! She will find out soon enough! :)

Today, my heart was blessed, big time, as Coralyn showed me she how wonderful of a big sister she is going to be for this new little one. We dropped a gift off at church, and Jeanne invited us to stay and play with Jude, her grandson. Of course we said YES! Who wouldn't want to hang out in Jeanne's office, play with her toys, read her books, draw a picture with her markers, and ride in her wagon?! Oh, and get to sample vanilla wafers, animal crackers, goldfish, and cheezits while she filled up the nursery snack buckets?! I figured Coralyn would enjoy playing with Jude, who will be two next month. However, Jude was content to watch a music DVD and Coralyn was too busy taking care of her baby doll to notice the other toddler in the room. That's perfectly okay though, because I was able to see firsthand Coralyn role play being a big sister. She rocked her baby, pushed the baby in the swing, sat beside the baby in a bumbo seat, and gave the baby some pretend juice. So sweet. But the most precious thing of all was when Coralyn came over to baby Jade (Jude's little sister who is 4 months old) and gave her a kiss. She did this several times actually. My heart melted.

And now I am more ready than ever to meet my new baby girl, and introduce this precious little one to her absolutely amazing big sister!

Boys Are Stupid

I am referring to male animals, not men. I want to make that perfectly clear.

This weekend Lawrence and I watched a documentary on Yellowstone National Park. We were amazed at the beauty of God's creation and in awe of how He created each animal to survive in that environment. The fact that anything survives the brutal 6-month long winter there is astonishing in and off itself. However, one other thing stood out to me in particular: boy animals are stupid!

Throughout the documentary, we would see how various animals live. They featured elk, moose, bears, otters, wolves, rams, bison, and several other creatures. For each and every animal, I can now give you an example of how the male of the species is, in my opinion, a moron.

Elk: the male elk struts around for like 6 weeks, bugling and showing off how wonderful he is, in an attempt to win females for his harem. During this time he often goes without eating. That right there is stupid. The females, on the other hand, are smartly eating all they can to store up for winter, knowing the time is coming when food will be extremely scarce. Plus, the girls aren't even ready to mate yet, so why waste so much time trying to get their attention?! Anyway, once the girls are ready, the male elk battle it out with each other to see who will win the harem of females. They clang their antlers together, trying their best to stab one another in the neck and show the girls who is strongest. Usually the loser dies. On a good day, he walks away with minor injuries and his pride hurt. He gets no girls. All that strutting and bugling and going without food for nothing. Moron.

Moose: are very similar to the elk. Only, they pee on themselves and go dip their antlers in the muddy water and get them all covered in gunk. Apparently, this is supposed to impress the female moose. Like the elk, they clash their antlers together, fighting to the death in most cases. Winner gets all, looser either dies or goes away with nothing. Morons.

Bison: again, they fight each other to prove who is biggest, baddest, and strongest. Only one male gets the girls in the herd. All the other lesser males have to wait until next year to try to prove again they are worthy of mating with the girls. There are plenty of female bison. Why can't each male get a girl and have a happy little bison family? Morons.

Rams: this was my favorite. Before the boys fight, they check each other out. Literally, they walk around and kick each other. Once they have a feel for their competition, the fight begins. They stand apart, face one another, and then run full force and smash their heads together. Just like the elk, moose, and bison, only one male gets to mate with the females. All the others are losers and have made idiots of themselves. I think they're all morons.

Bears: changing gears a little. The documentary didn't mention anything about male bears fighting each other to win the respect of a female and the privilege of mating with her. Instead, it talked about how mother bears don't want male bears coming anywhere near her cubs. Why? Because the male won't hesitate to eat them! After all that effort to get offspring, he would go and eat a cub?! Moron!

Otters: same as bears, only the documentary just said the male otters would be more than okay with taking food from the babies to eat for themselves. So, the mother otter has to fight off the males who try to come close to her family. Once again, why go to all the trouble of having offspring if you are going to eat their food and make it hard for them to survive? Morons.

Wolves: I can't remember what retarded thing the male wolves did, but I am sure they were morons too.

I know God had a plan and purpose for making each animal the way He did. And I realize His way is best. I am not questioning that. Though I do wonder why in the world His plan and purpose includes the males of the species acting so stupid. At least, they are stupid in my mind. I am really glad God's plan and purpose for the human race was quite different. Can you imagine a guy trying to win a girl's heart by covering his hair in mud, strutting around, yelling at the top of his lungs, and head-butting other guys? It would definitely get my attention, but not my love and affection. Thankfully, Lawrence isn't a moron. Quite the opposite. So, I guess all boys aren't stupid after all, at least not mine!

Thank You, Simon

Well, I am still pregnant, so I'm not blogging to announce the joyous arrival of our precious little one! Sorry. I know many of you are waiting in eager anticipation...as are we! :) But for now, we just have to wait. This baby already has a mind of her own and is going to come when she is ready. I can't imagine where she gets her stubbornness :)

Actually, I am writing today to share how God has blown us away, yet again. You would think by now I would be "used" to God doing amazing things, going above and beyond our wildest dreams to answer our prayers. But I'm not. Every time He does something like this I am speechless. I can't help but stand in awe. I think that is okay though. I think God likes to surprise us, to bless our socks off, to cause us to fall to our faces and worship Him because there is nothing else we can do.

Yesterday afternoon, Coralyn was actually taking a nap (that right there is a huge blessing these days!) and Lawrence and I were enjoying the opportunity to just sit on the couch and veg. We had been watching the Chiefs' game, but it wasn't really much of a football game as the Jets were winning by a landslide. We turned on Netflix and started watching a documentary about Yellowstone. We were learning quite a bit about the harsh, 6-month-long winter and how the animals survive the extreme conditions. Fascinating actually and reminding us how awesome of a creator God is as He equipped these plants and animals to survive in the freezing cold and icy snow.

About half-way through the film, my cell phone rang. I automatically assumed it was my mom or some family member calling to see if we were doing okay since they hadn't received news of a baby yet. I was surprised to see Jeanne Hewitt's name on the caller ID. Happy though, as Jeanne is one of my favorite people on the planet. She wanted to know if we were home so she could drop off an envelope that was left on her desk. Someone had typed our names on the envelope and written her a letter asking if she would deliver it to us. A few minutes later, Jeanne was in our living room, and we were curious about this mysterious envelope.

Inside was a letter explaining that a group of people at our church had gotten together to bless other families at DC. Somehow they chose us and wanted to give us some money.

A LOT OF MONEY!

We started crying, as we were taken aback by the extreme generosity of this group of people from our church. We were speechless as God showed how He had heard our prayers for Him to provide for our needs and decided to answer above and beyond what we ever had imagined.

With me not having any daycare kiddos our budget has been very tight. And since we don't have any idea if or when I will have daycare kiddos again, we don't really know how our finances are going to work out in the coming months. We just know that I am supposed to be at home with our girls and that God will open a door for me to work from home, whether that be watching daycare kiddos, having a preschool in our home, cleaning other people's house, writing a book, or something totally different. We are playing the waiting game (seems to be a theme in our lives right now!). As we wait, we simply have to trust that God is in control, that He has prepared the way before us, and that He will show us every step to take. This has not been easy for us, especially me as I hate waiting and really like to know all the details so I can plan everything out just perfectly.

God is faithful though. And good. He has been working on my heart, and in my mind, to give me peace as I learn to let Him do His thing, in His timing. I am getting better at trusting Him, but it still doesn't come naturally.

Today, I am still in awe of God's provision. We had no idea really how we were going to be able to pay our midwife when the baby was born (any day now!) and still pay all our bills for the month. Lawrence is working a second job at the gym and giving plasma. We are doing everything in our own power to make ends meet, but still we are falling short. We are totally and completely dependent on God to miraculously come through for us.

And He did!

We had a prenatal appointment just hours later and were able to give the money we had just received to our midwife. We still owe her a little more, but now we have enough money in our bank account to pay her the remaining sum and still pay our bills for the month!

I have no idea who the people are who gave us this money. Not even the leaders of our church know. But, I want to say a great big thank you to them. And to God, our Jehovah Jireh, who not only provides for our every need, but goes above and beyond in answering our prayers.

Just this weekend our pastor talked about how following Jesus, taking up your cross daily to deny yourself and put His kingdom first, can be hard. So hard at times that you simply can't carry your cross on your own. You have to get help from other believers. Just as Simon carried Jesus' cross for Him, so we too must rely on our brothers and sisters to help us along the way. I certainly am thankful for the Simons who came along beside us yesterday. I don't know how they knew of our need. I don't know why they chose to bless us when there are so many other families at our church. All I know is that God must have whispered our names in their ears and that they were listening.

So, once again I want to say THANK YOU to the Simons from Desperation Church!

I pray God's blessing upon each and every one of you.

May He lavish His love on you as you have done for us.

And THANK YOU, GOD, for taking such good care of us.

As you have blessed us, may be in turn bless others.

Could Today Be the Day?

Every morning now I wake up and think to myself, "Today could be the day."

At night before I go to bed, I wonder, "Could today have been my last day as a mommy of just one precious child?"

This weekend could have been the last time I go to church pregnant (this time around at least).

Was this morning's storytime at the library the last time I will go and hear the question, "So when are you due?"

When Lawrence leaves for work, I wonder if I will be calling him later in the day, telling him to come home because it's baby time.

Was my prenatal appointment yesterday the last one I will have with this pregnancy?

All this anticipation. All this waiting and wondering. All this eagerness and excitement. And well there should be! A new baby is definitely worth all the fuss :)

As each day passes, I think more and more, "Will today be the day? Will I get to meet my baby today? Will I get to hold her and kiss her? Will I find out what she looks like? Will I get to count those fingers and toes that have been jabbing me for the past months? Will today be the day?" God gently reminded me that I should be this excited, this eager to meet Jesus. Every morning when I wake up, my first thought should be, "Is today the day I will see Jesus face to face? Is today the day I will meet my Lord and Savior? Is today the day?"

I have done as much as possible to prepare for my baby's arrival. I have been busy, busy, busy getting ready for her. Is the same true of me getting ready for Jesus' return? Am I as dedicated and committed and anxious to be ready for the day I meet Him?

Sadly, the honest answer has to be NO. I get so caught up in the responsibilities and tasks of this life that I forget about the one that is to come, the one that really matters. I lose focus. I get distracted.

Christmas is the perfect time to be refocus though. As we countdown the days to Christmas, we can remember that we are preparing to celebrate Christ's birth. While we read familiar stories about Mary and Joseph and their trip to Bethlehem and the glorious night of Jesus' arrival, our hearts overflow with joy and gratitude for God's amazing gift, His one and only Son. We marvel at the thought of God becoming man and living among us. How thankful I am for His sacrifice in giving up the majesties of heaven and exchanging them for the pitfalls of this world. This year, though, as I anticipate meeting my own precious child, I am above all blown away that Jesus too was a tiny baby, completely helpless and dependent on Mary. I can only imagine what Mary was thinking as she held Jesus for the first time, knowing that the Son of God was in her arms, that she was responsible for Him. WOW!

But as I try to get my mind around the idea of Jesus being a newborn, I am also more than ever impressed with the fact that I must be prepared for His return. That sweet little baby grew up and gave His life for me on the cross. One day He will come back, and I want to be ready! Just as I wonder if today will be the day that I meet my precious baby, I should be so eager to see my Jesus face to face.

And so I go about the rest of my tasks for the day, I will be asking myself the same question over and over again about two very different things. Could TODAY be the day?

Christmas Spirit

December is finally here! This month means many things:

*new creamer flavors (hazelnut, cinnamon vanilla, gingerbread)

*fun candle scents (pine tree, apple pie, cinnamon, brown sugar)

*Christmas decorations (lights, wreaths, trees, stockings, nativity sets)

*holiday foods (chocolate covered anything, fudge, ham)

*Christmas music (the gospel is proclaimed through the words of so many songs that are played in stores across the nation)

*time with family and friends

*Advent

*Christmas Eve service

*Celebrating God's precious gift, His Son Jesus

But best of all, this month means the birth of our little baby! I guess that should come right under celebrating Jesus' birth, but you know what I mean :)

It's so weird to think that a year ago I was pregnant and would miscarry in just a few short weeks. Now, we are anticipating the birth of our precious baby girl. God couldn't be more sovereign and good in His planning. Last Christmas was one of the hardest, most difficult ones I have ever experienced. We experienced one of the greatest losses one can imagine. This year we are looking forward to becoming a family of four and receiving one of the greatest blessings one can ever have.

We won't really have many presents under our tree this year (just a few items for Coralyn...and the baby isn't going to notice she doesn't have any gifts to open). We don't need anything that we don't already have. Instead of rushing around buying gifts and all that other normal Christmas stuff, we have been busy getting ready for the new baby. We have moved furniture, painted shelves, hung frames, washed bedding, folded and put away clothes, made meals and breads for the freezer, and cleaned the house thoroughly. Of course, we also found time to put up the Christmas tree, hang lights, and decorate the house for the holiday season. :)

Strange that in all this busyness, I have found such a peace. God has been teaching me to trust Him. To provide. To show me the plans He has for us. To lead me in that way. To follow Him, one step at a time. I still have lots of questions. Many unknowns still remain. But, that is okay. I can say with confidence that God is good and faithful. If ever I doubt, all I have to do is look down at my swollen pregnant belly or feel the baby kick, and I am reminded of how wonderful God is, how abundantly He blesses us, how graciously He lavishes us with His unending love.

And so this December and holiday season, I feel more in the Christmas Spirit than ever before. As I anticipate the birth of my child, I can only imagine how Mary must have felt that night in the stable when she held and kissed Jesus for the first time. As I cherish the thought of meeting my baby, I am deeply grateful for God's sacrifice in giving up His only Son and sending Jesus to earth that we might have Life through Him.

Yes, indeed, this is going to be the best Christmas ever!