I Want to Feel Better, Naturally

Of course I want to feel better.  Who wants to feel lousy day after day, week after week, month after month?  No one wants to feel weak and tired.  Nobody in her right mind wants to feel nauseous, all the time, no matter how much or how often she eats.

And since it's natural for me to want to feel better, it also seems only natural to fix the problem, whatever it may be, naturally.

I think I am off to a great start.  Ever since we returned from camp (and as much as I could during the two weeks we were at Ponca), I have been gluten free.  Eliminating gluten from my diet wasn't all that hard, thankfully, since I don't really eat all that many carbohydrates anyway.  I do miss my bowl of oatmeal in the morning, but I found a suitable replacement, and it's quite tasty.  Funny, the name of the mix is "Mighty Tasty Hot Breakfast Cereal."  Though, I think the honey, cinnamon, pecans, and mixed berries definitely don't detract from the tastiness!  :)

I have also been going to a chiropractor/nutritionist/wellness doctor since we got home.  After both treatments, I have left feeling more relaxed and more energized, not to mention positive about the progress I am making in between visits.  I am drinking 24 ounces of Aloe Vera Juice every day and taking 2 enzyme tablets after my 3 main meals each day.  Dr. Salas "prescribed" these to help me actually digest the food I am eating and enable my body to use it properly, as well as get rid of the inflammation that is inside of my body. Apparently, the stress of the past year has built up in me, literally.  As a result, my gallbladder, kidneys, liver, thyroid, adrenal glands, and lymphnodes aren't very happy with me.

To further appease my internal organs, Dr. Salas mentioned eliminating any chemical stress in my life.  This is where my "I'm going to make all of my own cleaning and personal care products" frenzy has come in to play.   I already try to be as green and environmentally friendly as I can -- we recycle; I use water and vinegar for most of my cleaning; I use "free and clear" laundry detergent; etc.  However, I had never thought of the chemicals in my shampoo, body wash, lotion, hair supplies, deodorant, make-up, toothpaste, and who knows what all else!  I read today that women on average put over 117 chemicals on our bodies every single day!  The cancer rate for women who work in the home is 54% greater than those who work outside of the home (I think that is the right stat, but I could be off a little...still, it's staggering!).

I am starting to notice a difference.  I actually exercised on a regular basis this past week.  I haven't done that, well...in a very long time.  And for a girl who loves to work out, that has been super hard for me.  I was getting pretty discouraged, almost depressed I think.  I didn't understand why I wasn't feeling well and didn't have any energy to even play with the girls.  I thought I was eating right and taking care of my body.  I was certainly trying to do that.  Little did I know how much I could my entire life -- just by making little changes, like making my own household products.

Every spare minute I get (which isn't many now that I am doing in-home daycare again), I am researching and taking notes from what I read on the internet.  I am asking other people who know more than I do for advice and tips and suggestions.  I am learning quite a bit, but I am realizing how much more I still don't know (and might be sickened to find out).  What I do know is: I don't want any more unnecessary chemicals in my home!  Not only for my well being, but for Lawrence and the girls too!  So, if I can make our own cleaning and personal care products, then why not?  If I can save money in that process, that's an added bonus -- a big one!

I am excited to share this adventure with you all.  I got some glass canning jars today and will get some more containers this weekend.  I will also buy all the supplies I need to totally transform our home so that we can replace anything store-bought with a homemade product.  I will post my recipes, as well as pictures I take as  I make each thing.  Then, you can try everything out for yourself...and let me know what recipes you use and like.  I would love to learn from all of you as well.

Together, we can make our homes (and the world!) a better, safe, healthier place.  

Kellah Grace {8 Months}

Another month has passed, and this time I wanted to be sure to blog about Kellah's latest accomplishments and milestones.

Today, she is 8 months old!!!

Apparently, Kellah hasn't gotten the memo that she is still a baby.  She sees everything that the big kids are doing all around her, and she is determined to join in on the fun as well.  She watches them carefully, observing everything they do and say.  Then, she tries her hardest to mimic them.

Kellah is now an expert at pulling herself up and standing to play.  If I put her down on the floor, in just seconds, she has crawled or scooted herself over to the coffee table or a toy or the shoe stand to pull up to a standing position.  A few times she has let go and stood by herself for a few seconds!!!  If she sees something just out of her reach, she will try to reach out and get it with one hand, while steadying herself with the other hand.  She gets this look on her face like she is thinking really hard and trying to figure out how she can get over to the toy without sitting down or crawling to get it.  After a few seconds, she will look up at me and reach her hand out, as if she's saying, "Okay, Mommy, I need your help.  Hold my hand so I can walk over there and get that toy!"  I will put my hand out for her, and she grabs it immediately and starts moving wherever she wants to go!

If I try to put Kellah down on the ground, she wants to stand, not sit.  I have to coax her to sit, at least for a second.  As soon as I let go though, she is on the move!!!  NOTHING is safe in our house anymore!!!

Not only is Kellah pulling up and standing, but she is cruising!  She can walk the length of the couch and all the way around the coffee table. She can also walk around in her crib as she holds on to the sides.  When she wakes up from her naps (or at night), she pulls up and stands on her tiptoes to try to see over the top.  Super cute!!!  I just wish she didn't think her crib made for a tasty snack! :)

Speaking of eating...Kellah LOVES to eat, as long as she is feeding herself.  She's not too keen on me putting the food in her mouth, with my fingers or a spoon.  Oh no, she has to do it herself!  If I do try to put something in her mouth, she will spit it out, pick it right back up with her hand, and then feed herself!  She LOVES blueberries and gets quite messy eating them.  I often just plop her in the kitchen sink after breakfast for a quick bath.  She really likes being in the water.  Now, if she would just stay seated in the bathtub! :)

Kellah is also becoming quite the talker.  Her first word was "Mama," of course!  Now she has added, "Dada," and some "bababa's" and "ga's" and "aaaaaaaaaahhhh's".   I guess she doesn't like silence because she is always making noise and "talking" away.  Lawrence says she is going to be a verbal processor! :)

As far as size goes, Kellah is still pretty little, but that's okay with me.  I measured her today, and she's 25 inches long and weighs 15 pounds on the dot.  Most days, she wears clothes that are 3-6 months.  Today, though, her onesie says it is NB!!!  And it fits just fine, even over her cloth diaper and cover!  Crazy!  She may be small, but she is strong and a go-getter for sure!  She's going to have to be if she wants to keep up with her big sister! :)

I love my baby girl so very much!  I am so thankful for her and the blessing that she is to our family!

Counting My Blessings

I am sooooo blessed!

This week I "went back to work" for the first time in 8 months.  Only I didn't have to leave my house.  Instead, my "job" comes to me!  Three "jobs" actually.

You see, I am doing in-home daycare again this school year.  I have so enjoyed the past 8 months with just my girlies and getting to do lots of fun activities -- trips to the library, different parks, the zoo, Deanna Rose, Martha Lefeit Nature Center, Lakeside Nature Center, the spray park, Crown Center, Union Station, and so much more!  While I am a bit sad to not be able to go and do whatever we want, whenever we want, I am extremely thankful for the opportunity to stay at home with my girls and work at the same time.  God was so faithful to provide for us the past 8 months, as we often didn't know exactly how all the bills were going to be paid.  But not a month went by that we didn't have enough money in the bank.  And now God has brought three precious kiddos to our home for me to take care of and play with every day, and get paid for it!  As I have been "working" these past few days, I have been blown away by God's goodness.  I am so thankful for the way He works and how He brings everything together in the perfect way, at the perfect time.

In fact, He has done "more than I could ever ask or imagine."  Like I said, I was bummed that I wouldn't be able to do things like Storytime at the library.  BUT, I only have one daycare kiddo on Mondays, which just so happens to be when Toddler Storytime is here in Liberty!  And taking along just one more lil' guy is totally doable.  All I needed was an extra carseat, and about 15 minutes after I posted that request on facebook, a good friend let me know she had a carseat all washed up and ready to go for me!  Um, yeah, God is pretty good!

Even more, on Fridays, I only have two daycare kiddos.  We may not be able to go anywhere, but it will be a nice "break" and a good way to kickstart the weekend.  Who knows, I might get brave and try to venture out, at least to our playgroup every once in awhile.  OR, I can just invite the playgroup to my house, and everyone can come to me -- like they are tomorrow!  When you already have 4 kids, what's 6 or so more?! At least I'll have some backup in the form of the other stay-at-home/work-at-home moms who also do in-home daycare!

Seriously, I don't know if I could be any more blessed!  Granted, I will change a lot of poopy diapers from now until May when school gets out (yes, I know...it just started yesterday!).  I will probably wipe quite a few snotty noses, pick up toys three dozen times a day, find Cheerios in my couch cushions for years to come, and memorize the lyrics to every children's song imaginable.  BUT, I will get paid to do it all!  AND stay at home with Coralyn and Kellah in the process!  Now, that is priceless!

Yep, pretty sure I have the best "job" in the world!

It's Not a Box

A cardboard box is so much more than just a box, especially when given to a small child.  With her wild and vivid imagination, the box transforms into a car, a train, a boat, an airplane, a rocketship, a house, a grocery store, a restaurant, or even a bed.  A cardboard box can keep a child entertained for hours on end.

Such has been the case in our house this morning.

As I write, Coralyn is sitting in the box, attentively watching the Olympics and marveling at the Synchronized Swimming routines of one country after another.  I think she is not only mesmerized by the shiny costumes, but also the amazing feats of gymnastics that these women are doing while swimming, jumping, kicking, twisting, and smiling...all in complete unison.

But back to the box.  It is a very special box.  Not only is it providing seemingly endless fun for the kiddos today, but what was inside the box when it arrived at our house yesterday evening is even more important.

Hopefully the contents of the box will help change our lives.

Last week I blogged about how I haven't been feeling very well for the past 3 and a half years (since I was pregnant with Coralyn).  We have been praying for God to heal me, to show us what to do to help me have energy and strength every day.  He has given us several answers, in ways I never would have expected, but I am grateful for each of them.

First, I have visited a naturally minded wellness doctor (kind of like a chiropractor and health doctor all in one), not too much of a surprise there really, I guess.  He spoke at a free seminar type meeting at our church awhile back, and what he had to say was pretty interesting.  I took him up on his offer for a free consultation, figuring it couldn't hurt anything and that he just might be able to help me.  Knowing that he is a Christian was an added bonus.  When I went, he recommended that to start I cut gluten out of my diet and briefly explained the kind of "treatment" I would need to fix what was happening inside my body.  We were leaving for camp a few days later, so I couldn't really implement the changes right away, but as soon as we returned, the "makeover" began.

Then, last week I went back for my first official treatment session.  I was somewhat skeptical about what poking around my stomach would tell him, but I was pleasantly surprised.  Not only was he able to "diagnose" my symptoms, but after he felt my stomach, he asked if I had shoulder and back pain.  Yep, every single day!  Apparently that is linked to what's happening in my gall bladder, intestines, adrenal glands, thyroid, and liver.  After poking around some more, he then used some acupuncture and massage to get everything realigned.  Again, I didn't think that a short massage and a few pounds from his "jackhammer" would really make a difference.  I couldn't have been more wrong!!!  When he was finished, he pressed on the same pressure points, and this time I didn't have any pain!

I was also surprised when I went to check out and get the supplements he recommended.  I thought it was going to cost an arm and a leg, but thankfully I was wrong again.  I am simply drinking aloe vera juice and taking an enzyme tablet after every meal to help me properly digest the food I eat and cleanse out my system.  It's only been 5 days, but I truly am starting to see a difference.  I go in again on Tuesday for another massage and acupuncture treatment, so hopefully that will help me stay on this track of feeling better.

The second way that God has answered our "What can we do to help me feel better?" prayer came about in a rather strange way as well.  I have to skip back to Dr. Salas for just a second.  At the seminar, he mentioned that chemical stress can wreak havoc on our bodies.  I didn't think too much of it though, honestly.  Then, Lawrence went home in between the two weeks of camp so that he could ride the bus with the first time campers.  While he was home alone, he watched a few documentaries on Netflix.  One of them was called Chemerica (I think).  When he returned to camp, I asked him how his weekend was and he told me about the various documentaries he had seen, beginning with the Chemerica one.  He explained how the story featured a family who transformed their home - and lives - by using all natural cleaning products, hygiene items, and everything else in between.  We talked about how that would be a fantastic thing to try, and that it might even contribute to helping me feel better (and be safer for our girls, and the kids I will have in daycare to boot).  I have been meaning to make my own soaps and such for a long time now, but somehow I never get around to actually doing it.  Again, I made a mental note to look up some recipes or just buy the natural products available at Wal-Mart.

Before I could go shopping though, I received a call from a lady who had seen my Childbirth Classes sign both at the library and then again when she was dropping her grandkids off at church for VBS.  Diana told me she wasn't pregnant or interested in taking my classes, but instead thought I might be interested in some natural cleaning products, given that I teach about natural childbirth.  She mentioned that the company sold a host of other natural products as well, and even if I didn't want to use the products myself, Diana wondered if I would like some information to give my students.  I hesitantly agreed that Diana could come over and share with me about the products she had mentioned.


Well, last week I met Diana and discovered that her daughter works with Lawrence at Edge Gymnastics!  Small world!  The connection helped ease my skepticism, as did the fact that Diana is also a believer.  In addition to the natural cleaning products, she also showed me a whole host of other products sold by the same company: vitamins, health food, nutrition supplements, cosmetics, lotions, candles, and more!  I hadn't even thought about things like my make-up and lotion.  I was very intrigued: the cleaning products, nutrition supplements, health food, and personal products are very comparable in price to the natural products I can find at Wal-Mart, Hy-Vee, Price Chopper, GNC, etc. (often cheaper actually!).  The vitamins are also extremely similar to what I already take, but cheaper as well!  To top it all off, everything is delivered right to my front door!  So, I told her I would talk to Lawrence to see what he thought about trying out some of the products, just to see if they will help make a difference in the way I feel.

We decided to go for it!

And so our box came yesterday!

I am excited to transform our home and eager to see how this "makeover" will change our lives.

Stain Remover, Disinfectant, Glass Cleaner, and  Bathroom Cleaner

With the spray bottles
(Each bottle of cleaner will make 4-6 spray bottles worth of product!)

Laundry Supplies: Fabric Softener, 2 kinds of Detergent (different scents), and  Stain  Remover
Each bottle of detergent will do 48-64 loads
The pretreatment/stain remover will make 4 bottles

Dishwasher Detergent

Disinfectant Wipes

Sei Bella Hair and Skin Products
Timeless Age Defying Serum
Leave in Detangler
Shampoo, Conditioner
Styling Gel, Hair Spray
(These are the "top of the line" similar to Biolage.
When I reorder, I am going to try the value brand they offer.)

Body Satin Hair and Skin Products
Body Polish, Body Wash
Body Lotion, Hand Creme
Deodorant
(These are the "middle of the line" similar to Bath and Body Works.)

Mouth Care
Breath Spray, Mouth Wash, 2 kinds of Toothpaste, Sugarless Gum, Floss

Miscellaneous Stuff:
Renew Lotion, Herbal Shampoo, Antibacterial Hand Soap, 3 Soap Bars, 2 kinds of Chapstick

Kitchen Pantry
Meal Replacement Bars, Fiber Drink Powder (like Metamucil), Sports Drink Powder (like Gatorade),
Cereal, Oatmeal, Workout Bars

Vitamin Pack for a month

Morning and Evening Packets

First Aid and Medicine Cabinet
Pain-A-Trate Lotion (like Icy Hot)
MelaGel (for burns, bites, etc.)
Cough Drops
Cough Syrup, Pain/Fever Reliever
Melaleuca Oil
Calmicid (like Tums, I think)
Travel Size Hand Soap

What's Wrong with Me?

A few days ago, a friend of mine shared a blog post on facebook about not complaining.  In the blog, the writer addressed how so many people use their facebook status to complain about trivial matters from the barking dog next door to their own crying babies to the long lines in the grocery store.  I don't personally know the author, but I appreciated her boldness is confronting this growing epidemic of using social media to "vent."  I agreed with her and shared the post on my facebook page as well.

So, now as I sit down to write my own blog post, I want to make sure I do not come across as complaining.  I simply want to be open and honest, sharing my thoughts and feelings about my present circumstances.  Wait a second, you may interject, "That's sounds quite a lot like 'venting' to me."  True, ture, but that is not my intent at all.  Instead, I hope to instill hope and encourage others, especially my brothers and sisters in Christ, to turn to our Heavenly Father and stand firm in our faith, no matter what life seems to throw our way.

Honestly, I have been struggling to do that myself lately.  I have felt overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged, doubtful, confused, and perhaps even slightly depressed.  I am tired of grieving with friends, as I would much rather rejoice with them.  Who wouldn't prefer laughing so hard that you cry tears of joy and maybe even pee your pants over sobbing and weeping to the point you don't have any more tears left?  

This morning I am once again fighting against our invisible, yet very present, enemy.  Satan just doesn't seem to let up.  He's relentless in his attempt to knock me out and then drag me through the mud.  

I am physically exhausted, having seen every hour on the clock last night.  I feel like my body should be used to this routine by now, after 7.5 months of not getting more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep on a regular basis.  

On top of my fatigue, I have been battling an unknown "illness" that leaves me weak, light-headed, and sick to my stomach day after day.  At times I can't even walk from the couch to the kitchen without needing to stop at the counter and rest for a few seconds.  In an attempt to prevent these dizzy spells, I drink plenty of water (so much so that I make a visit to the bathroom at least once an hour!) and eat small high-protein snacks throughout the day.  I am still taking my prenatal vitamins since I am nursing Kellah, so I am getting plenty of iron, B vitamins, and all those other nutrients that are supposed to help me feel great.  On top of that, I take a B-complex vitamin and an Omega-3 vitamin.  My "diet" consists mainly of fresh fruits and vegetables.  I even make my own juice with them on a daily basis!  We eat beef from grass-fed cattle, deer that Lawrence or his brother shot themselves, fish, and chicken.  I get plenty of protein from eggs, nuts, and yogurt as well.  Yet, nothing that I do seems to help.  I can eat a nutritious bowl of oatmeal, blueberries, and pecans -- along with 2 eggs -- for breakfast and just 30 minutes later feel like I haven't had any food for days.  I desperately want to exercise on a daily basis, but when I have to summon up the strength and energy to simply play with Coralyn and Kellah, going for even a short walk is out of the question.

And so, I am left wondering, "What's wrong with me?"  I desperately want to feel better, but when I don't know what's wrong, it's hard to know what to fix.  At a loss of what else to do, I have begun a gluten-free experiment.  For at least the next two weeks, I won't be eating any wheat, barley, rye or soy sauce or malt or anything else with gluten.  We already eat brown rice, but we'll trading our whole wheat pasta and flour for things like quinoa, amaranth, and buckwheat.  I even bought some rice cakes to replace my multigrain bread -- it's not quite the same, BUT if it helps make me feel better, I am more than willing to give up a few slices of bread.  I've even decided to eliminate peanuts from my diet, which means no peanut butter!  And if you know me, that is a very, very, very BIG deal!  I LOVE peanut butter and consider it a food group all its own!  However, I was doing some research on-line and read that peanuts that contribute to adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism.  I'm not for certain I actually have those "conditions," but I do seem to have quite a few of the symptoms.  So why not go ahead and give up peanut butter...it's not like it's going to cause me any harm!

I am on day 5 of this new eating regime and still don't feel any better, but I am not going to give up.  Just this morning, as I was brushing my hair, I felt light-headed and nauseous.  I had to take a second or two to let the shaky feeling go away.  Again, as I was taking a small load of laundry downstairs, I had to pause until I wasn't dizzy anymore.  I wanted to cry, but instead I started singing, "Why so downcast, oh my soul?  Put your hope in God, put your hope in God.  He's the lifter of my countenance, oh I will never be afraid!"  That made me think of the lyrics to Matt Redman's "Oh No You Never Let Go!"

Fitting, as just yesterday I blogged about not letting fear get the best of me.  Like I said, it's an on-going, seemingly never-ending battle.  I'm in the ring yet again, Satan bringing his best one-two punch combo.  God is helping me block his deadly blows, filling my mind with Scriptures like Psalm 42 and Psalm 43.

And so, as God "directs His love towards me," I will "fix my eyes" on Jesus and praise Him, my God and Savior, my Rock and Fortress, my Shield and Deliverer.  I am reminded as well of my life passage, Psalm 62.  As I rest in God and wait for Him to act, I will hope in Him alone.  Thus, I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.

My frown has turned upside down.  God has "put a smile on my face" as He has helped turn my sorrow to praise.  I may not feel any better physically, but my heart is definitely on the mend!

Fear Not

As we enter the month of August, the school year is just around the corner.  Summer has flown by, as have the first 7 months of this year, actually!  We have certainly had our share of fun in 2012, but, quite unfortunately, we have also had our share of sorrow, grief, pain, and sadness.  Much, much more than I would ever want in a lifetime, let alone just 7 months.

We have come along side friends struggling financially, knowing all too well how they are questioning where the money is going to come day to day.  We have done our best to comfort friends as they mourned the loss of a loved one, some far, far too young to have said good-bye.  We have prayed with others for God's healing hand as they face illness or disease or cancer and now a brain tumor.  With all this turmoil and seeming chaos, I have experienced a war raging inside me.  A grueling battle is being fought for control of my heart and mind.  I wish that I could report how easily God's Spirit was winning, but I would be lying.

No, instead, I am afraid that Satan has captured far too many victories.  That in itself is a huge part of the problem: I am afraid.  I have let fear creep in, and now it has a firm grasp, kind of like a choke hold.  With each trial that we have faced personally or have witnessed our friends (and even strangers) encounter, my questions go left unanswered.  And as my questions pile up, so does my doubt.  And fear.

Since my cries of "Why?!" have not been satisfied (and they really won't be, can't be, until Jesus returns and I get to look at the situation from beginning to end as only God is able), I have turned to playing the "What If?" game.  Sadly, I am getting far too good at it.

What if something happens to Coralyn or Kellah while they are sleeping?  
What if they don't wake up?


What if the way I am feeling means that I have a serious illness?
What if my health problem (whatever it may be) can't be fixed?


What if we get pregnant again and we miscarry again?
What if we get pregnant and something is wrong with the baby?
What if everything appears fine at first and then all of a sudden my child gets deathly sick?


What if Lawrence gets in a car accident on his way to work?
What if I get in an accident while I am out running errands?

The "What If" game is kind of like Monopoly -- it never seems to end!  And you never actually win.

Yesterday, as I was overcome with grief for the Ewings, fear also flooded my mind and my heart.  I was drowning in tears and ran to the bathroom so that Coralyn wouldn't see me crying (she gets pretty upset if she recognizes that I am sad).  As I wept, God seemed to whisper, "I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7)


I picked myself up off the floor of the wrestling mat.  I wiped the blood from my mouth and glared at Satan.  He may have thought he was going to win yet another round, that I was down and out from his latest attack.  Yeah, he did have a pretty good one-two punch, but he forgot that God is in my corner, not just coaching me, but also strengthening me with HIS power.  He forgot that God has a pretty good upper cut Himself.  With God's help, I was able to fight off and defeat Satan, for that round.  The match isn't over yet, though.  Far from it.

Today, and every day, I must get up and arm myself for battle.
     "A final word: Be strong in the Lord and HIS mighty power.  Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil." (Ephesians 6:10-18)

With every fiery arrow that Satan has shot my way, God has given me verses to act as a shield to protect my heart and mind.

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed.  We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.  We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.  Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."  (2 Corinthians 4:8-18)

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.  I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources, He will empower you with inner strength from His Holy Spirit.  Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust Him.  Your roots will grow down in God's love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."  (Ephesians 3:14-19)

I don't have the answers.  All my questions still remain, but I must choose not to let them hang over my head, to drag me down.  Instead, I must rise above them and keep on running the race that God has laid before me.  Not just laid before me, but prepared especially for me, having first gone before me and is now with me, by my side every single step of the way.  


And so I cannot question His love for me.  I cannot doubt His plans or purposes.  I may not have the answers, but HE does.  And for now, that will have to be enough.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, according to His POWER that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen!" 

As the World Turns

Nope, definitely not talking about the mid-day soap opera.  Don't even know if that particular drama-filled show is still playing these days.  Nor do I really care, as my life seems to have enough going on without taking an hour out of my day to watch fictional characters deal with petty issues.  Especially when my real-life friends are facing true trials and hardships...

like Brent and Dara, who are mourning the loss of Dara's sister who took her own life earlier this month.

or Payton, who is grieving the loss of his friend Loraina, who also took her own life, and yet trying to encourage her family at the same time.

or Nathan and Alicia who are in the hospital with their 11-month-old son Levi, waiting for the doctor's to perform surgery to remove a tumor from the center of Levi's brain.

We just had an amazing two weeks at Ponca Bible Camp.  We saw God work in awesome ways.  At camp we were hidden in the beautiful Ozarks, surrounded by hills and trees, far removed from all the tragedy that was happening.  We didn't have access to TV's, computers, cell phones, or any kind of technology really.  And yet, life didn't stop.  Time didn't stand still.  The world kept on turning, and as it did, hearts were broken, tears were cried, and questions were asked.

Why?  
What are You doing, God?  
Where are You?  Are You even here?!  Do You see what's happening?  Do You even care?!
How could You let this happen?  How in the world is this for my good?
Why?  Why?  WHY?!


I certainly don't have the answers.  If anything, I am right there with Brent and Dara, Payton, Nathan and Alicia asking the same questions.

As I have prayed for my friends, God has directed me to the first chapter of Paul's letter to the Ephesians.  I am thankful for the reminder of His promises, that never change despite the chaos that seems to be taking place all around me.

Paul writes,

How we praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we belong to Christ.  Long ago, even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes.  His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave Him great pleasure.


So we praise God for the wonderful kindness He has poured out on us because we belong to His dearly loved Son.  He is so rich in kindness that he purchased our freedom through the blood of His Son, and our sins are forgiven.  He has showered His kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.


God's secret plan has now been revealed to us; it is a plan centered on Christ, designed long ago according to His good pleasure.  And this is His plan: At the right time He will bring everything together under the authority of Christ -- everything in heaven and on earth.  Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for He chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as He decided long ago.  God's purpose was that we who were the first to trust in Christ should praise our glorious God.  And now you also have heard the truth, the Good News that god saves you.  And when you believed in Christ, He identified you as His own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom He promised long ago.  The Spirit is God's guarantee that He will give us everything He promised and that He has purchased us to be His own people.  This is just one more reason for us to praise our glorious God.


Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for Christians everywhere, I have never stopped thanking God for you.  I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might grow in your knowledge of God.  I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future He has promised to those He called.  I want you to realize what a rich and glorious inheritance He has given to His people.


I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of His power for us who believe Him.  This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him in the place of honor at God's right hand in the heavenly realms.  Now He is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else in this world or in teh world to come.  And God has put all things under the authority of Christ, and He gave Him this authority for the benefit of the church.  And the church is His body; it is filled by Christ, who fills everything everywhere with His presence.


I realize that was a lot of Scripture, BUT it seemed so fitting as I hurt for my friends and pray for them, much in the same way as Paul did for the Ephesians so many years ago.  We serve the same God today.  He is still good.  He still loves us.  He is still working out all things to the praise of His name.

And so, even in the midst of the pain, we are to do just that -- praise Him.  I cried as I watched Alicia sing with Levi, who was clapping and and praising Jesus right along with his Mommy.    Coincidentally (or more likely NOT), right after I learned about Levi's situation at camp (I had the rare opportunity to check e-mail and facebook), I headed back up the hill and joined everyone in singing, "Savior.  He can move the mountains.  My God is might to save.  He is mighty to save.  Forever.  Author of Salvation.  He rose and conquered the grave.  Jesus conquered the grave."  And I prayed that God would move this mountain, that He would act on behalf on Nathan and Alicia, that He would heal Levi.  The song goes on, "Shine Your Light and let the whole world see...We're singing for the glory of the Risen King...Jesus, shine Your Light and let the whole world see we're singing for the glory of the Risen King."  Yes, God, yes.  Work this miracle, for the praise of Your name.  May all who hear of Levi's story see Your power and honor Your name.

Overwhelmed with sadness and doubt, I thought of David when he penned Psalm 121, "I lift my eyes up to the mountains -- where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

I am also reminded of Peter, when he boldly got out of the boat to walk on the water to Jesus.  He was doing fine too, until he took his eyes off Jesus and started looking around him at the wind and the waves.  Not that I can blame him, as I would most likely have done the exact same thing.  However, God keeps calling out to me, encouraging me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.  For He is also the One who controls the wind and the waves.

This year has been a confusing one to me.  I am at a loss as to how God works.  I know He has a plan, is in complete control, has a purpose for everything, and will use it all for our ultimate good and His glory.  BUT, in my humanness I can't see the beginning from the end.  And so I don't understand what God is doing!

During the past 7 months, the path God has been leading us on has seemed to take us from one mountain to the next.  We seem to be in a never-ending storm.  Thus, I have been challenged to trust God, even when I don't like or understand what He is doing.  My faith has been tested more than ever before.


Will I take God at His Word?  
Will I believe His promises?  
Will I rest in Him?  
Will I let Him be in charge, even when I feel like everything is spinning out of control?  
Will I praise Him, no matter what? 


I am working on that, each and every day.  I keep reading Psalm 121 over and over and over again.  Praying these promises for myself, and my dear friends.

I lift my eyes up to the mountains --

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip --

He who watches over you will not slumber;

Indeed, He who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you --

The Lord is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm --

He will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.