Cinderella

I think Coralyn got confused last night. I think she thought she was Cinderella and that at the strike of midnight she needed to be a totally different person than who she was just hours before. She had a "ball" at the Women's Free For All. I was kind of nervous taking her, figuring she would be squirmy and loud. However, she behaved really well, as long as I let her walk around in the back. No problem; I was able to sing and worship and hear everything that was going on and was really blessed. We had lots of fun too. For about twenty minutes Coralyn would put her head down on the ground with her butt up in the air, like she wanted to do a headstand or somersault. So, I would pull up her legs, make sure she was pointing her toes (gotta make her daddy proud), and then flip her legs over. Almost immediately she would roll over and get into position again, ready for another headstand. After about 10 headstands I thought she might be getting tired of having the blood rush to her head, so I switched it up and helped her do a somersault. She seemed to like that just as much. I seriously think we might have a future gymnast on our hands. Anyway, she was all smiles and having lots of fun and being super cute.

We get home, get ready for bed, and she went to sleep with no problem. Then, mysteriously, at the strike of midnight, she wakes up. We figure she will go back to sleep right away since she had a full day and has to be tired. Nope. She starts screaming. She has figured out how to reach her arm out of her crib and open the door (it doesn't really latch that well), so we hear her loud and clear. It's as if she is just waiting for us to come and rescue her. We wait. After a bit, Lawrence goes in to lay her back down and remind her that it is time to sleep. I say a quick prayer, Lawrence comes back to bed, and all is quiet...for about 5 minutes. Then, Coralyn's up again, screaming her head off. I mean, she was M.A.D. When she didn't quiet down, I went in to console her and then lay her right back down. Somehow she had managed to take off her pajama pants. We got those back on, rubbed some salve on her chest to help with her congestion, and said a little prayer. As soon as I lay her down, she rolls over and pulls herself up on the side of the crib. I lay her back down, tell her I love her, and leave. Again, we wait for her to calm down and go to sleep. She doesn't. Lawrence goes in again and repeatedly lays her down. As I wait in the bedroom, I think to myself, "where did my sweet little girl go?" She is royally ticked off and letting us know it! I mean, she was a completely different child. I don't know how she went from all smiles and being so cute and funny to yelling at the top of her lungs. I have no idea where she gets this stubbornness or fiery temper! ;) Finally, at 1 am, she surrenders and goes to sleep.

This morning she is her cute, adorable, happy little self. Let's hope that tonight she doesn't hear any clocks chiming.

Forks and Spoons

One thing that God really taught me this summer was that He doesn't actually need me. Yes, He does use me to accomplish His plans, but He doesn't really need me. He can get everything done that He wants, without my help. I like to think that God does need me though, that I play an integral role in fulfilling His plans. I want to be important; I like to be important. But it's not about me, now is it? Nope, God says, it's about Me and and My glory. I am the Potter, you are the clay. I am the Carpenter, you are the tools. I am the Chef, you are the utensils.

I read today, "If you keep yourself pure, you will be a utensil God can use for His purpose." The thing is, we don't get to decide what kind of utensil we are. We might be a fork or a spoon or a toothpick. The important thing is that God accomplishes His plans, not how He uses us. The fact that even uses us is amazing!

This summer at Ponca, Lawrence and I had very different roles than we have had in the past. Usually we are counselors at least one week and then direct together one week. This year I couldn't counsel at all since Coralyn came with us. So, the first week we worked in the kitchen as cooks. We had absolutely nothing to do with what happened in the cabins or at chapel or anything really except what the campers ate and when. Yet, kids from the Liberty area were saved! To emphasize the point that He doesn't need use to get these types of things done, God reminded us that we hadn't even invited those campers -- former students had invited them! We had absolutely nothing to do with these boys coming to camp or their accepting Christ as their Savior! The next week, we were directors, so we had a little more involvement with the campers, but yet again we really didn't have anything to do with what happened in the cabins. And once again God showed us He doesn't need us to get things done. 4 girls trusted Jesus, and we had nothing to do with them coming to camp or being saved. As before, a former camper (a sister of a former student) had invited these girls to camp.

I like to feel at least partly responsible for almost 60 kids coming from the Liberty area, but I can't take any credit at all. God is the One who gets all the glory, and the only one! He is the reason why each and every one of those boys and girls went to Ponca this year. I'm not sure if I was a fork or a spoon or a toothpick, but I am just thankful that I got to be a part of the work God did this summer at Ponca Bible Camp. It's an amazing place, and God always blows our faces off with everything that He accomplishes in the lives of the campers who set foot on that holy piece of ground. I am already excited about next year!

Home Sweet Home

We are back! After being gone for a month, it is soooo good to be home again. We spent 3 weeks at Ponca Bible Camp in Arkansas and then headed straight to Michigan for a week of family vacation with Lawrence's parents and siblings. So much has happened in the last 4 weeks, I don't even know how to sum it all up!

Camp was different for me this year since I wasn't counseling. I cooked 2 of the 3 weeks, and 1 week I helped Lawrence direct. Really I spent most of my time taking care of Coralyn and making sure she didn't get too adventurous. She did learn how to hold onto the back of the chapel seats, pull her legs up to the seat part, and then proceed to climb her way up the back of the pew. She also got quite good at walking the length of the tables in the dining room by holding onto the individual seats. Once or twice she actually let go and took a few steps on her own before falling. She attempted to climb up the high chair and wanted to do pull ups on the edge of the tables, but somehow I didn't think either of those were good ideas. She loved swimming in the Buffalo River and probably would have jumped off the bridge like all the "big kids" were doing, if I had let her. She loved playing the drums and dancing to the music. She did her part at meal time to get someone to tell a story, as she joined in by banging on the tables. She got to go on the Lost Valley hike 3 times, going through the natural bridge and then to the highest point of the Amphitheater each time. I will have to post pictures soon! In Michigan, she got to play at the indoor water park, ride a ferry, go on a carriage ride, and pet a horse. Too bad she slept through our time at the Butterfly Gardens, but it was probably best for the butterflies! Then on Friday, to celebrate turning 10 months, she walked all by herself at our hotel. Now it's only a matter of time before she is running all over the place.

Like I said, a lot happened in 4 weeks.

For Times Like These...

On Friday we head down to one of our favorite places in the whole entire world -- Ponca Bible Camp! In fact, we love it so much that we will be spending three weeks there! This year will be a bit different for us since Coralyn is coming along. We can't wait to introduce her to camp. We are even more excited to see what God has been doing and will continue to do in the lives of the campers, counselors, directors, cooks, first aide people, and anyone else involved in any way. Every year God blows our faces off. I am already amazed at what He can do because almost 60 kids from the Liberty area are going to Ponca this summer. Those are 60 lives God is going to radically change. Those are 60 kids who can go make a difference in their homes, schools, and communities. I can't even begin to imagine what all can happen as they take a bit of Ponca back with them and let God use them in ways only He can bring about. So, Ponca here we come! God, blow me away once again!

Cheerios or Chiricahua

We just got back from visiting my grandparents in Arizona. Coralyn is really becoming quite the traveler. In her almost 9 months of life she has been to Haiti (with a stop in Florida on the way), Tennessee (and all the states between there and Missouri), and now Arizona (with stops in Colorado and Texas). Too bad she's too young to remember any of these trips!

While I personally thought most of Arizona was pretty drab since everything was beige due to the lack of grass and trees, we did enjoy a trip to Chicicahua National Park. As we were driving through the park, Lawrence, my mom, and I were looking out the windows trying to take everything in around us. We were amazed at how the rocks were stacked on top of each other. The rock formations were really interesting, and we tried to imagine what they looked like (such as a duck or turtle or people's faces). I think God had some fun when He made that part of the world. While we were impressed with the rocks, Coralyn was busy eating her cheerios, not paying any attention to the beautiful scenery around her. As I handed her the cheerios one at a time, I thought about how we miss out on the cool stuff God has for us because we are distracted by things we think are more important. Once again, God used my little girl to teach me something about myself and my relationship with Him.

What a Mess!

Learning to be independent (or in this case teaching Coralyn) is a messy business, and sticky too! I love that she can feed herself things like bananas, avocado bites, scrambled egg, and of course cheerios! She is pretty good at picking up the food and getting it to her mouth. She just makes a huge mess in the process. How I wish that you could capture every moment on film or at least with pictures! Like this morning when she had managed to get blueberries and yogurt all over her hands, face, the highchair tray, and anywhere else near her. Her smile was priceless!

When Coralyn's done eating, I'm not sure where more food landed: in her tummy or somewhere in the highchair or the floor? Her hands, arms, face, and hair are one big sticky, icky, gooey mess. At least she doesn't mind me washing her off when meal time is over. At times I wonder why I bother letting her feed herself when it makes such a mess and I have to clean it up each time, but then I remember that I was able to finish making supper or eat supper myself while she had her snack or the first part of her meal. I think ahead to the future and how she will be able to do so much more because I have let her do some things on her own. I just pray she's not too independent :)

As I was watching Coralyn eat her supper last night, and make a mess of things like usual, I had a thought. I wonder if God ever gets frustrated watching us making messes as we try to do things on our own. I greatly appreciate that He doesn't hold our hand all the time or spoon feed us; He lets us try to figure things out and "grow up." I am sure it would be a lot easier for Him to just do things for us, and faster too. But He lets us use the personalities He gave us; He makes us think a bit; He allows us the freedom to choose. And thankfully, He is good at cleaning up our sticky messes.

Gifted Hands

Last night after Coralyn was in bed, Lawrence and I decided to watch a movie. He had gotten some DVDs on sale at Blockbuster awhile back, and we had one left that we hadn't seen yet. When you buy a movie you know nothing about, it can end up being a total flop. This, however, was not the case. Hands down, this is one of the best, most thought provoking and challenging movies I have seen in a long time.

Gifted Hands (based on a true story) stars Cuba Gooding Junior as a talented neurosurgeon at John Hopkins. At the very beginning Gooding is asked to meet and assess Siamese twins who are connected at the head, and thus share part of a brain. He agrees to perform surgery, but doesn't set a date because he has to figure out how to separate the boys without them bleeding to death. In the mean time, the movie flashes back to Gooding's childhood and shows him in about the 4th grade. The teacher is having all the students tell her their scores on a math test and Gooding has to announce he didn't get any right. Of course his classmates make fun of him and tease him about being so dumb. Gooding responds by punching one of the boys bullying him. The boy has a lot against him: he's a black student in a primarily white school in the 1960's, his father isn't part of his life, and he struggles with school. All of these don't compare to the one very good thing Gooding has going for him though -- his mother. Gooding's mother is simply amazing (the kind of mama I hope to be). Despite struggling with depression herself, she always encourages her boys, "You can do anything anybody else can do, only you can do it better." She tells them to use their imagination, that they have the whole world inside of them, that they are smart, talented, gifted. Not only does she encourage her sons, she challenges them and sets high standards for them. After coming home from her cleaning job one afternoon, she shuts off the television and informs the boys that they will only be allowed to watch 2 shows each week. Since the boys will have so much spare time, she explains they will be reading 2 books every week and writing a report about them. Thus begins Gooding's love for learning. One of the shows the boys chose to watch was a trivia game show, which only inspired them to expand their interests to include music and art. As Gooding grows up, he excels in school. That transformation in and of itself was enough inspiration, but the movie had even more to offer!

Not only did Gooding's character overcome academic challenges, he also learned how to handle his fiery temperament that had gotten him into trouble. And while his mother also played a huge role in this change, God is the one who gets the credit for helping Gooding transform into a mature man who responds to even the most difficult of situations with profound patience and grace. Gooding's faith plays an integral role in the film, as he prays before every operation and surrenders not only his patients but his family to the Lord.

I don't want to give away the entire movie...but I do have to share one other thing that really hit me as I watched the film. In addition to the Siamese twins that Gooding eventually operates on, he performs surgery on a 4 year old little girl who has over 100 seizures a day due to a complication in her brain. Seeing this little girl and the twin boys made me so very thankful for Coralyn's health. Yeah, I might have been sick to my stomach for my entire pregnancy, but I didn't have any complications in the delivery. Coralyn was born whole and complete, all her organs functioning correctly, all her limbs fully formed, everything "just right." She can see, hear, smell; she can communicate; she can grab things; she can walk; she can feed herself; she can show emotion. I could go on and on. I just take her health for granted, but I shouldn't. God has blessed us. I know that every single child who is born is created in His image and is perfect in His eyes, carefully crafted and designed in the womb just the way He wants. Even if a child has a physical or mental handicap in the eyes of man, God sees the child as perfect. I know that, but I am still thankful that Coralyn doesn't have any "problems." I think about our future children and all the "what ifs" and get scared that something could be "wrong." I let fear and worry control my thoughts. I try to imagine what being a mama would be like then, but I just can't even begin to fathom all the emotions that would be surging inside me.

I think my heart was already tender after a movie we watched on Father's Day with my parents. Extraordinary Measures. It was about a family with 3 children, 2 of whom have a life-threatening disease called Pompe. The disease affects their muscles and organs, making moving and even breathing more and more difficult as the child grows. In fact, life expectancy for someone with Pompe is only 9 years. So, I think the idea of having a child with some kind of "complications" was already fresh in my mind. Watching Gifted Hands only made me think about all the "what ifs" even more. But both movies also made me all the more thankful for my baby girl and her excellent health. It's as if God keeps reminding me to take nothing for granted, to make the most of the "little things" that seem so "normal." Like Coralyn's smile and giggle, her reaching for my hand so she can walk where she wants to go, and yes, even her cries in the middle of the night.

I pray that I never have to face the challenges any of the parents did in either of these movies, but I know that if I do, God will give me the strength and courage I will so desperately need.

But for now, I don't have to think about any of that. All I need to do is focus on today, thanking God for Coralyn's health and enjoying the precious little girl that He has given me.