Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I am a day late, but given that Kellah is only 10 days old, I am going to play the "I just had a baby card," and hope you still read our Christmas letter :)

And to make me feel a little better, I did have this written a couple of days before Kellah was born, but I just haven't had a chance to actually send out the letter since her arrival -- it is kind of a busy time of year after all :)

Coralyn had a break down before we left for the Christmas Eve service so those family pictures didn't turn out all that great (though as Jeanne Hewitt said, we will look back 15 years from now and think Coralyn's pouty face is cute). Thankfully, she was in a much better mood after we got back from church. We were able to get a few good pictures, though with a toddler, a newborn, and a cat we never did get everyone's eyes open and looking at the camera at the same time :)

Looking Back and Pressing On

Paul says in Philippians we are supposed to forget what lies behind us and press on towards the goal ahead of us. However, I think writing a Christmas letter allows for an exception. Looking back through the year’s memories actually provides you with the opportunity to remember all that God has done, how He has faithfully provided for you, protected you, and guided you every step of the way. Knowing God was so faithful and good this past year is certainly necessary as I look ahead at the year to come. I will certainly need those memories to keep me going as I press on and continue to run with endurance the race that God is setting before us in 2012.

This past year has seemed like the roller coaster ride of a lifetime. We have experienced emotional highs and lows we never imagined possible. We have zigged and zagged and zoomed our way through sharp turns, steep drops, and dark tunnels. We have twisted and turned, and even looped completely upside down several times, but somehow we have managed to always end right side up and stay on track. God certainly knows how to make following Him an adventure!

Last December we were devastated when we miscarried right before Christmas. Our loss was great and our pain was deep. Yet, we found comfort in the support of our family and friends. Through our tears, we were able to see that many other people are hurting all around us. We decided to do our best to share the strength and peace and hope we found in Jesus with these individuals, as God brought them to our attention.

In January, I ran my first 10K, the Groundhog Run which supports the Therapeutic Learning Center for Children here in Kansas City. The race was completely underground so I wasn’t bothered by the freezing temperatures outside and was actually able to enjoy myself. I even finished with what I thought was a good time (about 54 minutes).

Soon after that, we signed up to become licensed foster parents and started taking classes in February. We had been thinking about this since our trip to Haiti in March 2009, and finally felt God’s nudge to go ahead with the idea. The classes were eye-opening as we realized we wouldn’t only be loving on the kids placed in our home, but also working with their parents. This was an extremely difficult concept for me, as I went in thinking these parents had lost their right to be mom and dad to these precious kiddos. I didn’t really want anything to do with the parents who had neglected, abused, abandoned, or somehow else put their innocent children at risk. I just wanted to love the kids, showing them they are special and that our home would be a safe place for them to grow and reach their full potential. God was working on my heart, reminding me how undeserving I am of His love and helping me see that I needed to show these parents the same grace He has repeatedly shown me. We finished classes in April and were licensed by the end of May.

Speaking of May…on May 12, I donated two 18-inch ponytails to Locks of Love and had my head completely shaved to support the American Cancer Society’s Shave to Save event that raises money for the Hope Lodge, a place where cancer patients and their families can stay for free while receiving treatment in Kansas City. Originally, I signed up as a shavee in response to our miscarriage. God had shown me that I needed to be willing to make a sacrifice in order to help people see the radical love of Jesus. When we lost our baby I questioned if God really knew what it felt like to lose a child. Yes, of course, He gave up His one and only Son, having Him die on a cross to pay the penalty for my sin! And so I was willing to give up what was precious to me – my hair – if it meant I would have the opportunity to tell others about God’s deep, deep love for them. Little did I know that I would also have the chance to share how God turns mourning into dancing and changes tears to laughter. Just a few weeks before the big event, we found out we were pregnant again! Not only that, but we were due almost to the exact day of when we had miscarried! Only God can do something like that! So, as I went out on stage to explain why I was participating in Shave to Save, I was able to tell hundreds of people our story. I think for our families the news of another grandbaby helped lessen the blow of me going bald, but I also hope that the strangers in the audience saw firsthand how God can take pain and grief and use them for His good, a bigger plan that is far better than we would ever have begun to imagine ourselves. I pray they saw Jesus in action and wanted to know more about Him, how they too could experience the joy and peace I had in my heart despite the difficult times we had endured.

In the summer, as usual, we made the trek to Ponca Bible Camp, but this year we changed things up a bit and went down in June for high school week! Last year I had seen a need for “older” counselors during the high school week, so God tapped my shoulder and let me know I was going to fill that need. I was terrified, however, as high-schoolers intimidate me like crazy. God wouldn’t let me off the hook though, so I signed up to counsel. I had an amazing cabin of girls and realized teenagers aren’t all that bad after all! J At the end of July, we went back to Ponca (we just can’t stay away) for the last two weeks of camp. Working with the 4^th through 6^th graders is always a blast. Lawrence directed both weeks that we were there, which was the first time he hadn’t counseled in a long while. As always, God blew us away with the work He was doing in the lives of both the campers and counselors. We were humbled to realize that God doesn’t need us to do this work, but are so thankful He continues to give us the opportunity to be involved in the amazing things He is doing at Ponca, one of our favorite places on earth!

Right when we got back from camp, we had our first foster care placement. “Shadow,” came to live with us, and things went great for about two weeks. Lawrence and Shadow went to the gym almost every morning to swim, we registered him for middle school, and even celebrated his 12^th birthday! However, things went terribly wrong when our lives were actually threatened, and we had to ask Shadow to leave immediately. Our hearts were broken as we had poured so much into this boy’s life, even in the short time he was with us. We saw firsthand how Satan is working to ruin and destroy lives. We could smell the evil and felt the darkness pressing in on this boy. Even though Shadow isn’t with us anymore, we still pray for him and hope he will make choices that take him on a different path than the one he has known his whole life.

A month later (September), we were still healing from our experience with Shadow, but said “yes” to another foster placement. This time, we took in two young boys: “T-Rex” who was 3 and his brother “X-Man” who had just turned 1. These boys were so cute with curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes that melted your heart. While they were with us, we got to take them to the Liberty Fall Festival parade and enjoyed watching their excitement over all the floats and of course candy J We only had T-Rex and X-Man for a week, as they were able to return to their mom (a happy story!), but they brought us such joy in that short time!

The past few months have been somewhat quieter and more “normal” as Lawrence is in his 6^th year of teaching 3^rd grade and I am at home with Coralyn for the 3^rd school year now (I am still a teacher at heart and look at time according to a school calendar). While Lawrence has quite the class this year and has been overwhelmed at times trying to meet all the individual needs of his students, I have had a much more relaxing semester in that I only had 1 full-time daycare kiddo (Carson) and 1 other little boy who I watched whenever his mom was able to substitute teach (about 1-2 days a week). While I was thankful for less stress and more time to breathe, fewer daycare kiddos also meant less money in the bank. The strain on our wallet caused me to worry and fear as I wondered how in the world we were going to pay our bills. God was so, so, so good though. We never went without, although we did do some major cutting back. I was amazed at the various ways God came through for us, meeting our every need, often going above and beyond in blessing us. As we look ahead to the new year, we are still completely dependent on God to provide for us, month by month, day by day (especially since I am not watching any daycare kiddos now). We know that He will, but we still aren’t clear as to how. I am patiently waiting (or trying my best to do so) for God to show me how I am going to work from home. I would love to have more daycare kiddos, especially those of preschool age, come February. I also pray God continues to grow my business of teaching childbirth classes and serving as a doula (assistant for the couple during labor). And I still have the dream of writing a book (or getting the two I have already written published and on the shelves). For now, all I can do is watch and wait for God to reveal His perfect plans to me.

As I watch and wait, I definitely won’t be twiddling my thumbs. Any day now, our little baby will be born, and I will have my hands full as a mom of two! While we never would have planned to have a baby in December, we couldn’t be more thrilled to welcome this precious child to our family at this time! Our little girl is the best Christmas present we could ever ask for! Once again, God has blessed us beyond measure and lavished His grace upon us. We are blown away at His goodness and so thankful for His constant presence in our lives. While we still face many unknowns at the beginning of this new year, we are certain of this: God is not only with us, but He has gone before us to prepare the way. He will keep on leading us, every step of the way, bringing us closer and closer to Him until the great day of Christ’s return. So, as we look back on this past year, we are reminded of God’s faithfulness and can confidently press on to whatever lies ahead, fixing our eyes on Jesus and straining to receive the prize God has waiting for us.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,

May you too enjoy the celebration of Christ’s birth and look forward with anticipation to all that God has planned for you in 2012,

Lawrence, Sarah, Coralyn, and Kellah Young

Naughty or Nice

Happy Christmas Eve!

Today is pretty laid back in the Young household. I am still doing my best to rest as much as possible as I "recover" from Kellah's birth last week (is she really a week old already?!). Taking it easy is getting harder for me as I really want to be up and about, but my body has kindly reminded me that I do indeed to rest a bit more.

And so this morning I sat and watched a Diego with Coralyn. In the spirit of the season I chose a Christmas episode. Santa's reindeer are stuck in the snow and can't pull the sleigh. Unless Diego helps them Santa won't be able to deliver all the presents to the animals! Thankfully, a kind and strong llama comes to the rescue and helps pull the sleigh free so Santa and his reindeer can be on their merry little way. At one point in the show Diego comes across the Bobo brothers (two monkeys who are always causing trouble). They are crying because they are so worried that Santa won't bring them any presents. The monkeys think they have been too naughty for Santa to give them anything. Diego assures the Bobos that though they are indeed naughty at times, they never really mean to cause trouble and they are always sorry when they do. He explains that Santa will still bring them presents, and the Bobos are relieved. Diego is then able to continue on his rescue mission to find Santa's reindeer. Of course Diego and his friend the llama are able to get the sleigh out of the snow and Santa flies off to deliver the presents to all the animals. What a happy ending!

But, of course I couldn't just sit and mindlessly watch Deigo. I simply "had" to make a spiritual connection. If I can't be up and about doing something, then at least my brain is going to be busy. Lawrence always teases me about my inability to stop thinking. My mind is always at work, and this morning was no different.

So here's what I got out of the special Christmas episode of Diego: I am so very glad God's grace doesn't depend on whether we are "naughty or nice." With Santa, the kind of gifts or the amount of presents you get is based on your behavior throughout the year. If you are "nice," you get what you want. If you are "naughty," you get nothing, or maybe just a little present (if you're lucky).

God is nothing like Santa (although He does know when we are sleeping or when we are awake, and He certainly knows if we've been bad or good...so be good for goodness sake). His blessings (gifts) do not depend on us at all. That's why it's called grace. We don't deserve a single thing, yet God showers us with love and mercy. He fills us with peace and hope and joy. He gives us strength and courage. He provides for us (abudantly), protects us, guides us, and lives in us! And He does all of this because HE is good. He chooses to love us, even though we certailny haven't earned His love. If anything, we deserve His hatred. We sin against Him, time and time again. In all honesty, we have earned a place in hell. We should be eternally separated from God. Instead, He invites us to dwell in His presence. He welcomes us to come to Him, at any time.

Today is Christmas Eve, and as we look forward to Christmas day tomorrow, I am overwhlemed yet again with God's love, and grace. If He had to wait until we were worthy of His presence, Jesus never would have come! Thankfully, He didn't wait. Hence, we have something to celebrate this Christmas! Not only did Jesus leave all of heaven's glory and come to earth as a tiny baby, He grew up and willingly gave His life so that we might live. Once again, He didn't wait for us to be worthy of this present. Rather, "God demonstrated His love toward us in this way: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Yet again, God has used my need to rest as an opportunity to speak to me, to teach me, to draw me closer to Him. When I sat down this morning, knowing I would pretty much be on the couch until I have to get ready for the Christmas Eve service tonight, I was extremely frustrated. However, God has turned that disappointment into gratefulness. As is His custom, He has blessed me in an expected way, and thankfully His gift didn't depend on me being "naughty or nice" because I certainly wasn't thinking very nice thoughts as I plopped myself on the couch earlier today.

A Stress-Fee Christmas

*Warning: this post is pretty long, but I hope you can make it all the way to the end…that’s where I get to share how amazing God is and how He has blessed us yet again.

Today is supposedly the busiest shopping day of the year, trumping even Black Friday. I guess people are frantic as they realize they only have 48 hours until Christmas morning but still have presents to not only buy but wrap as well. Many probably have less than 48 hours to get these gifts purchased and placed under the tree as quite a few families celebrate Christmas Eve together. Or, as we do, some have a tradition of opening one select present on the night of Christmas Eve. Hence, the traffic today was absolutely horrific as we made our way to pick up a few items. No, we weren’t out getting last-minute presents. Our list included 99 cent pineapples at Aldi, a box of size 4 diapers (for Coralyn at night) and body wash at Wal-Mart, and finally $1 hot chocolate and $7 Folgers coffee at Hy-Vee. How could we pass up these great deals?! We braved the craziness and ventured out for the second time as an entire family since Kellah was born.

I am so glad that we weren’t rushing from store to store to find the perfect present for that hard-to-buy person. Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy Christmas shopping and buying (or making) gifts for people in my family. I find joy in knowing the person will enjoy the gift and look forward to watching their reaction as they unwrap their presents. I especially get a thrill selecting items for Lawrence. However, this year we decided to do things a bit differently for Christmas.

We didn’t buy any gifts for each other, not even a simple stocking stuffer.

Things are financially tight at our house these days, and we couldn’t really justify spending money on presents for each other, especially when we have everything we truly need. Plus, we figured we got to celebrate Christmas about a week early when we “opened” the best present we could have ever gotten and welcomed Kellah Grace to our family!

Not having the money to buy gifts didn’t make us bitter. Quite the opposite. We were able to focus on what we already have and appreciate those things even more. We saved ourselves a lot of stress too!

Granted, we still “had” to do some Christmas shopping for our immediate families. Thankfully, Lawrence’s family draws names, so we can focus on just one person and getting that person exactly what they want/need. AND there is a set amount for how much to spend so you don’t have to break the bank (I was really excited to find out the amount had been cut in half from last year and that we wouldn’t have to completely rearrange our budget). I got to shop for Lawrence’s mom this year and had lots of fun getting the items on her list. Coralyn, of course, enjoyed helping me and would give me her opinion about what Grandmas Sherry would like best. :)

My parents understood our financial situation and didn’t make a big deal about presents this year either. We got them some picture frames and a photo calendar with a picture of Coralyn for each month. They gave us gift cards (Yay! Free/family nights), bought us groceries, and filled our Yukon up with gas! I am pretty sure we got the better end of the deal, as usual. When Kellah was born, they came to see their new granddaughter, and we just celebrated Christmas then. There was no big fuss over a fancy meal or a huge hurrah about unwrapping presents, but that didn’t matter. We were too busy ooing and aahing over a new baby anyway. We had a great time together and were so thankful for our newest addition to the family. I guess we did give my parents a new grandbaby, so maybe they got the better end of the deal after all. :)

And we did get Coralyn a few things so that she would have some presents to open on Christmas. Not that she needs anything. I think the gifts are more for our sake than hers anyway. The joy of a child and the sparkle in their eye on Christmas morning as they open up their gifts is something special, something we couldn’t do without – no matter how tight our budget may be. So, we were creative. Friends gave us a few clothing items and these absolutely adorable pink cowgirl boots. Rather than showing them to Coralyn immediately, I set them aside and saved them for Christmas. I am especially excited about the boots as Coralyn is in love with boots right now and will probably want to wear these cowgirl boots all.the.time. I did the same thing with some shoes that my parents (or Lawrence’s parents, I can’t really remember…all of her clothes and belongings come from one of them anyway) got for Coralyn that were too big for her earlier this year but will be a perfect fit now. They just happen to be Dora the Explorer shoes, and I can hardly wait to see Coralyn’s face when she opens that present as well (she loves Dora)! I found a felt bag with a snowman on it as I was wrapping Sherry’s presents and went searching through our stash of Christmas gift bags. Coralyn is all about purses, and filling them with as much stuff as she possibly can, so I figured this snowman bag would make a perfect gift. It could be her special Christmas purse! Then, a student gave Lawrence a present in a cute red felt bag, so I wrapped that right up and now Coralyn will have not one but TWO purses for the holiday (a girl can never have too many purses, right? :) ). I did actually spend some money on her gifts: I bought her 3 new “big girl” sippy cups (with straws!) from Target and was really excited to stack a store coupon and a manufacturer’s coupon to get $6 off the price. I also bought a notebook and decorated the cover. Coralyn will use this book kind of like a scrapbook to keep track of all we learn during our “school” time come January. Her final present, her “big ticket item,” was a pillow mattress I made for her with my mom’s help. She got to open this early though when she needed it when she went to our friend’s house while I was in labor with Kellah. Coralyn was pretty excited about her new bed and hasn’t slept on her actual toddler bed since Kellah arrived; she now sleeps on the floor on her pillow mattress every.single.night (and for nap time too). I would say it was a pretty good Christmas present! :)

All that to say, this Christmas is a bit different from previous years. And it’s been great, better than any Christmas I can remember. What could have been an extremely stressful time has been one of the most enjoyable times of the entire year. I do believe that not buying presents for each other has played a HUGE factor is this; however, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention another, even bigger, reason for our stress-free holiday. In fact, this is the whole reason why I am writing this blog post in the first place (sorry it has taken me so long to get to the point…I never was one for short research papers in high school and college)!

I mentioned earlier that our stops today included Aldi, Wal-Mart, and Hy-Vee, but I left out one other place we visited– the bank. And amazingly we weren’t going there to take money out of our account. Instead, we were stopping by to deposit a check, a very “hefty” check we received in the mail yesterday from an anonymous friend. All I know about the giver (or givers) is that he/she/they are extremely generous!

Lawrence brought the mail in yesterday, and there were some nice Christmas cards, the grocery store ads, and of course the usual junk from credit card companies. I sorted out the pieces into piles (can you say OCD), read all the yearly updates from our friends, quickly perused the grocery ads (as we don’t really need anything this week since we have been blessed by friends bringing us meals every night since Kellah was born!), and was checking the junk mail to make sure I hadn’t overlooked a Christmas card or something of importance. Good thing too!

There in the “junk” pile was what I thought was a letter from some strange bank trying to get me to take advantage of low rates and change our mortgage over to them. Instead, I found a cashier’s check for $500 and a little note that read, “Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! Kellah is blessed to have parents who love each other and the Lord.” The only signature was the Bible verse Matthew 6:25-34. Like I said, I have absolutely no idea who sent the check or how they knew we could use the extra money. All I know is that God used them to bless us BIG time!

Earlier this month we were given another anonymous gift from some people at our church. This gift was timely to say the least as we needed to pay our midwife but didn’t have the funds to do so. Jeanne brought the envelope full of cash over to our house just hours before our scheduled prenatal appointment that afternoon! We were able to make a very large payment, which we later found out came at a perfect time for our midwife (so awesome how someone blessed us and with that blessing we were able to bless someone else).

If not for these two LARGE gifts, we would not have had enough money to pay for Kellah’s birth and all our regular bills, let alone purchase any gifts for our immediate families. We are so humbled to have received these gifts and can’t say thank you enough to those responsible for them, or to our God who yet again has blown our faces off as He reveals Himself as our Jehovah Jireh, meeting our needs in ways we never could have imagined on our own. Our financial situation could have been a huge source of stress for our family, especially at this time of year. BUT, God has made this Christmas different, and BETTER, than any other! Only by His continual faithfulness, abundant goodness, and marvelous grace we haven’t become overwhelmed with worry, fear, and doubt! He alone is the real reason why we have been able to enjoy a stress-free Christmas this year!

*I told saved the best part for last! Thanks for reading all the way through the post to get here! :)

Little Giant

I think Coralyn doubled in size overnight! Not really, but it certainly seems like she is a little giant these days. Even when she’s not next to Kellah, Coralyn just seems bigger. Her head is massive, and she must have gained 10 pounds because she’s so much heavier when I try to help her climb up on the couch. I think she’s taller too.

I realize Coralyn’s new giant status is directly related to Kellah being a newborn, and a somewhat small one at that. People “warned” us that Coralyn would look so much bigger as we compared her to Kellah. And I was ready, or so I thought, to see my firstborn all “grown-up” as a big sister.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE watching Coralyn interact with Kellah and am delighted that she is adjusting so well to her new role as the big girl of the house. I am not all that thrilled, however, that in a matter of days Coralyn has lost all sense of “baby” and “little girl.” These changes only serve to remind me that time is flying by all too quickly, that if I keep blinking Coralyn is going to be getting on the bus for her first day of school and then waving her high school diploma and then driving off to college and before I know it she will be walking down the aisle in her wedding dress! Pure madness, I tell you, pure madness!

What can I do to slow things down? Nothing! I am absolutely helpless here. The only thing I can do is to enjoy every moment, to treasure each day. And in the process, be intentional about filling each day with memories. They don’t have to be big, spectacular memories. Ordinary, basic memories – baking muffins or cookies, finger painting, reading books, playing hide and seek – will do.

And so that is the plan for today. While Kellah sleeps, the Little Giant and I will bake Christmas cookies. Maybe I’ll even be brave enough to include frosting in this special memory.

The Other Sarah Young

Some of you might have heard of the “other” Sarah Young. She happens to be a pretty famous author. You may have read her book Jesus Calling.

I first saw this book when I was still living in Haiti. I was at another missionary’s house, and there on the back of their toilet was a devotional book by none other than Sarah Young. I was Sarah Smith at the time, but I knew that in less than a year my name would be the same as this author. Having always wanted to be a published author, I had to smile. I guess I had accomplished my goal without even knowing! :)

I still hope to become a published author someday. Maybe this other Sarah Young has paved the way for me and by mistake people will think I am her and accidentally agree to publish something I write. And then, when the book is on the shelves, shoppers will think I am the other Sarah Young and actually buy my work! I can dream right :)

With all that said, my whole purpose in this blog post is to share something that this other Sarah Young has taught me. Jeanne Hewitt generously gave me a copy of her book Jesus Calling: 365 Devotions for Kids. Her gift was extremely fitting in several ways: the book itself is orange, our favorite color; the bird on the book is teal, another one of our preferred colors; the devotions are geared toward kids, with whom we love working and just so happen to think like them too! The devotions are nice and short, so I can read them even if I only have a few minutes to sit and catch my breath before I am beckoned back to my duties as a stay-at-home mom. And although the entries aren’t long, they are deep, speaking to my heart and mind in profound ways. I always put the book down challenged, inspired, encouraged, or uplifted.

Yesterday and today were no different. Both entries hit home and go along well with the blog post I wrote yesterday (but didn’t get posted until this morning). Like our pastor says, “Where you are in the Word is where you are at in life,” meaning that God’s Word is active and alive, sharper than a two-edged sword, and very much speaks to us still today.

The devotion entry for December 21 (the anniversary of our miscarriage) is entitled “Traveling”:

I have a perfect plan for your life. But I don’t show it to you all at once. It is like a road that you must travel one step at a time.

Sometimes the road seems blocked, or it opens up so slowly that you feel frustrated. But then, when the time is right, the way before you suddenly clears. All that you have longed for and worked for is given to you freely – as a gift. And that is when you catch a glimpse of My Power and My Glory.

Don’t be afraid of your weakness. It’s like a stage where My Power and My Glory are the actors, putting on amazing shows. Just keep walking along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My Strength to keep you going. Expect to see some miracles – and you will. Not just anyone can see My miracles, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. When you walk by faith – going step by step with Me – you are able to see my Glory.

If you go back and look at the blog post from yesterday (this morning), you will see how fitting this journal entry was. I love how God blows my face off like this. I was brought to tears as God yet again confirmed His power and presence in our lives, reassuring me that He is still guiding and directing us along the perfect path He has laid out for us. He has gone before us to prepare the way, and He will be right there with us each and every step of the way. He will provide for all our needs no matter how big or small, give us the courage to face any obstacles on the journey, draw us closer to Himself as He transforms us into the people He created us to be, and best of all reveal His glory to us in some amazing ways (like He just did with Kellah!).

As if that wasn’t enough, the devotion entry for today was also fitting, combining my blog post about Rest and the idea of following God wherever He leads. It’s titled, “Do as the Wise Men Did”:

Come and sit with Me for a while. I want you to think about who I really am…

Praise and worship are the best responses to the wonder of who I am. Sing praises to My holy Name. Gaze at Me in silent worship. Look for a “star” of guidance in your own life, and be ready to follow wherever I lead you. I am the Light from heaven that shines upon you – to guide you along the path of Peace.

Yet again, God reminds me that this time of rest and recovery is a blessing, a gift, an opportunity to look back at how He has been working in my life and to prepare my heart for what is to come. He reiterates the importance of keeping my eyes on Jesus so that I will be able to run with endurance the race He has set before me. And despite not knowing what I will encounter along the way, God keeps me from becoming overwhelmed with worry and fear as He tells me time and time again that the path He has for me leads to peace (even if it may not seem like it at a particular moment of the journey).

God is pretty awesome! I am glad He uses people like this “other” Sarah Young to remind me of that and to keep me going as I do my best to follow hard after Him.

What a Difference a Year Can Make

Last year on this day, a Tuesday, I woke up to a puddle of blood on my bed. When I went to the bathroom, I “gave birth” to our 12-week old baby. What could I do but flush the toilet?! Oh the tears as I watched my little one disappear! I would never know this little one, at least not this side of heaven. The pain and grief of the following days and weeks were almost unbearable.

God was good though, and faithful too. We had absolutely no idea where He was leading us, or why He was even taking us this way. We didn’t understand why this was necessary and certainly didn’t like this part of the journey. BUT, we followed…one step at a time.

We have come such a long way since then, experiencing both ups and downs as we have done our best to stay the course God has laid before us.

How glad I am that this morning is so different from that fateful Tuesday one year ago. Today, I woke up with Kellah nestled by my side. She was nursing when Coralyn woke up and made her way to our room. She climbed onto the bed to join the fun, and we hung out as a happy little family for a bit. Eventually we made our way to the kitchen where we made and enjoyed a yummy breakfast of French toast, scrambled eggs with cheese, and yogurt. Then we cleaned up the dishes and got ready to take our first outing as an entire family. Our destination: Chick-fil-A, of course!
Wednesdays mean Kids Korner at Chick-fil-A, so we knew Miss Julie would be there, and we just had to introduce her to Kellah! I can’t say enough good things about this amazing lady. She was thrilled to see us, and Coralyn was just as excited to see Miss Julie, running up to her and giving her a huge hug. We had planned on just saying hi, but we ended up staying to see Mr. Oggie, the “Magic Tricker,” a friend of Miss Julie who had come for story time. Coralyn had a blast throwing Mr. Oggie’s imaginary ball into his “magic” sack, which he would make pop everything a kiddo threw the ball. An added bonus was seeing our friend Heather and her two boys Bennett and baby Wyatt.

Since then we’ve just been chillin’ at home. Coralyn was supposed to take a nap, but she ended up just singing and talking to her animals for about an hour before she just had to go potty :) As she “rested” in her room, I used the opportunity to journal, with Kellah resting contentedly on my chest. Just a little later, Amber, our midwife, came over to check on Kellah and me. We now have Kellah’s cute little footprints on paper (which reminds me that I need to paint her feet so I can finish a Big Sister/Little Sister t-shirt project I am working on).

As I was writing in my journal, I couldn’t help but bending down to kiss Kellah’s tiny head, every two minutes. I am so in love. My heart is full of joy, hope, and peace. I am overwhelmed by God’s grace as He has blessed us so abundantly.

Yes, we still have our difficulties – financial uncertainties mainly, BUT we are in a much better place this year than last. And just as God proved Himself faithful and good last year, we trust He will do the same this coming year. Again, one step at a time.

Rest

Sitting, being still, resting, doing “nothing”…they are all extremely hard for me. And so, for me, “recovering” from birth is not easy.

Since I feel like I had an “easy” birth, it’s especially hard for me to rest. I don’t feel like I need to rest. I think I am good to go and should be able to return to my normal routine without any problems. BUT, I know that resting is actually the best thing for me. Plus, Lawrence is doing an excellent job taking care of everything around the house anyway. He’s not really giving me a chance to find things to do.

Right now, Lawrence and Coralyn are out having some special Daddy-Daughter Time. They plan to visit the library, pick up some things at Wal-Mart, buy a Christmas present for Lawrence’s dad, and maybe even stop by the play area in Zona Rosa. You would think that having the house all to myself (well, Kellah is with me, of course) would be a dream come true. Peace and quiet. Nothing on the agenda. Pure bliss, right?

Everything within me wants to get up off the couch and clean the kitchen like I do every Tuesday, or go downstairs and work on the computer (I am being a good girl and using Lawrence’s laptop right now), or clean up the bathrooms just a bit, or at least bake something (oh wait, both my fridge and freezer are completely full due to generous family and friends!). I am resisting all those temptations, however. I am ignoring Satan’s lies that I am not accomplishing anything important, that I am wasting time, that I am not valuable since I am not really truly “doing” anything. Instead, I am listening to God’s voice, as He whispers in my ear to come and sit with Him, to enjoy these moments, to cherish this time as a precious gift from Him. For that indeed is what this period of rest and recovery is.

Kellah will never be 3 days old again. She won’t always sleep contentedly on my chest. I won’t have her completely to myself for the whole morning very often, if ever! And so, I am just sitting here on the couch “doing nothing.” Or so it would seem. In reality, I am doing 2 things, the two most important and valuable things I could possibly be doing: loving on my beautiful baby girl and soaking up the presence of my own heavenly Father.

How fitting that today’s entry in the devotional book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young is called, “Clear the Clutter.” The last paragraph spoke directly to me and quieted my heart and mind as I was feeling guilty about doing “nothing” this morning.

Remember, your real goal in this life is not to check everything off a to-do list.
It is to live close to Me.
Seek My Face all throughout this day.
Let My Presence clear away the clutter in your mind, and flood you with My Peace.