Where's Daddy?

As a mother of 3 small girls, I am blessed beyond measure to be able to stay home with my children.  My days may be mundane at times - laundry, cleaning, preparing meals, changing diapers, more cleaning, more laundry, changing more diapers, making more meals, and then more laundry.  BUT, my day is also full of laughter and smiles.  I get random hugs from my precious girls.  I hear, "Mommy, come play with us!"  I get asked to read books, built forts, have tea parties, set up obstacle courses, go on nature walks, draw pictures, explore around the yard, and make special treats.  Be it spending time at home or seeing animals at the zoo or listening to a story at the library or swinging at the park or hiking a nature trail, I am making priceless memories with my girls every single day.  I get to be there for all the "firsts" and capture those once-in-a-lifetime moments on camera. The first roll over.  The first smile.  The first babble.  The first crawl.  The first pull-up.  The first step.  The first words.  The first time down the slide.  The first bike ride.  The first bruised knee.  Yeah, I also get to experience the many spilled milks, the countless fights between siblings over who got the beloved purple plate, the arguments over who gets to wear the Cinderella dress and who has to be Snow White.  Dirty dishes, diapers, and all, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world...

Recently, I feel as though my mindset is shifting...

Maybe it's because I am able to leave the house now (I couldn't before due to my in-home daycare - no way I was going to try and load up 6 kids under 4 in their carseats, drive somewhere, get them OUT of the car seats, cross a parking lot to get to the park or library, bring enough snacks and drinks to keep everyone happy, take everyone to the bathroom, get back across the parking lot to the car, load them all up in the car seats, drive home, unload the kids from the car seats, and get them back inside the house - I'm tired and stressed out just writing that out).

Maybe it's because I am seeing more stay-at-home moms on a daily basis now that I CAN take my girls to the park or library or nature center or zoo or wherever we want to go.

Maybe it's because I am able to focus more fully on my girls and hear more of what they are saying and see more of what they are doing and learn more of who they are becoming...

Maybe it's because I'm learning it's okay to ask questions, to do things differently, to NOT go with the flow, to try something new, to NOT be the norm, to be UNtypical, to be EXTRAordinary...

The girls asked a question this morning, as they do on MOST mornings when they first come downstairs.  This morning, however, their seemingly innocent question rocked my world.

Where's Daddy?

My answer is a fairly common one.  

In the majority of households I know, the answer would have been the same

At work.

I didn't go into the details.

Their 2 and 4 year old brains wouldn't understand.

Their 2 and 4 year old hearts wouldn't quite grasp the depth of my words, or their meaning.

And so I didn't go on to explain:

He's dutifully providing for his family.  He's earning money to pay the bills, put food on the table and gas in the cars, buy your clothes, and allow us to do fun things like go on vacation or get ice cream every once in awhile as a special treat.  He's using his hard-earned college degree and even harder-earned Master's to educate his students and equip them to be upstanding citizens in our community.   

I didn't say any of that.  Just a simple "At work," was all they needed to know.  

"But he'll come back to me," my 2 year old assured me almost immediately.

"Yes, my dear little one, your daddy will come back to you.  He will come home from work."

But what if he didn't have to leave in the first place?

What if he didn't have to go to work?

What if he could be a stay-at-home dad, just like I am a stay-at-home mom?

Their simple question stirred up a host of emotions in my soul.

Their simple question left me with quite a few questions of my own.

What if we could be a stay-at-home FAMILY?

Is that even possible?

YES.

I am starting to know of more and more families who are doing this.

I know them personally.

I see them spending time together, making those precious memories.  Every day.

At first I thought it was strange to see a dad with his kids at the park in the middle of the day.  He kind of stands out in the midst of all us MOMS.  

I would do a double-take when I saw a dad with his kids at the grocery store or library or zoo or wherever else I might be with my girls.  But I didn't think twice about all the MOMS who crossed our path.

Why is that?

Why do I automatically assume he took a day of vacation?

Why do I feel like he is out of place?

Why do I think this is a special occasion?  

Why can't it be NORMAL?

Why shouldn't a dad be able to stay home with his kids?

I'm sure he would enjoy seeing all those firsts too.  I bet he would have fun building forts or playing catch or going on nature hikes or reading books or seeing animals at the zoo.  I'm going to guess he would laugh and smile right along with his kids.  I believe his heart would be full.  He might even melt a little at hearing a random "I love you, Daddy!" or "You're the best Daddy in the whole world!" or getting a surprise hug for no other reason than the fact that his little girls adore him and are happy to be with him.

And yet, we tend to believe -whether we realize it or not - that a man's place is AT WORK.  That's his JOB.  He has to provide for his family, take care of their financial needs.  And so he "has" to GO TO WORK.  

He gives it his all, all day long.  When he comes home to his family, he is spent and tired.  He doesn't have much left to give.  He gets a couple hours max with his kids - and those might be spent rushing to and from practice or a game, finishing homework, taking baths, and getting ready for bed.  THAT, in my opinion, is simply NOT ENOUGH.  It seems extremely far off from what I believe God had in mind when He created and designed families.

BUT, someone has to work.  Someone has to be responsible.  Someone has to make money to pay the bills.   In most cases - not all - this someone is usually the DAD of the family.

What if in putting dads in this BOX, we are keeping them from being the best husband and father they could be?  What if we are limiting our potential as FAMILIES?  What if we are missing out on the biggest blessing of all - being TOGETHER?!

And so my mindset is shifting...

I am beginning to look at things in a new light...

I am believing there is a different way, a better way...

I am starting to LONG for something MORE...

As I see more and more of my It Works team mates "rewiring" their husbands and becoming stay-at-home families, I can't help but want the same for MY family.  

So, I work hard to fulfill that longing, to make my dream a reality.

If they can do it, so can I.  So can WE...

I do believe God has called Lawrence to be in the schools, to be a light, to share the love of Jesus with his students and co-workers.  I am confident he is right where God has put him, for this time.  BUT, our desire is for him to stay home with us all summer.  Instead of teaching summer school, we will have a WHOLE MONTH together as a family!!!  We are already excited and starting to plan some fun things we can do together.  I am thinking this month of being a stay-at-home family will give us a taste of what could be...and who knows where that will take us.

All I know is that my mindset is shifting...

What about YOU?  

What do YOU think about stay-at-home dads?  

When you hear the phrase stay-at-home FAMILY, what goes through your mind, your heart?

If this is something that you are interested in or have questions about, I would love to talk with you more.  Or maybe you want to start with JUST one parent staying home - we can talk about that too!  Either way, if this is something you feel pulling at your heart, like you want to make that dream a reality for your family as well, I would certainly LOVE to show you how God is working in our lives to make it happen.  

I know it's different and new and NOT normal...

But I also know it's EXTRAordinary.   It's amazing.  Special.

I would even go so far as to say it's a HUGE BLESSING from God Himself.

And perhaps even His intention for us as families...

Like I said, I would LOVE to know YOUR thoughts!!!