I hear the whisper in my ear when I step into the kitchen and see the sink full of dirty dishes.
The noise gets louder as I go upstairs and come face to face with the baskets of clean laundry needing to be put away while the dirty clothes continue to pile up in the hampers.
Seemingly, the entire house is plotting against me.
The toys won't stay put up, no matter how many times I pick them up and place them in their proper places. The meals don't fix themselves. The children don't dress themselves or fed themselves or bathe themselves or drive themselves to all the places they need to go. The bills don't pay themselves. The fridge doesn't fill itself with food, nor do the cars fill their tanks on their own. The toilets aren't self-cleaning, and the floors haven't figured out how to sweep, mop, or vacuum themselves yet either.
All throughout the day, the thought is pounded into my head over and over and over again:
I can't do it all!
I climb into bed each night, having done the best I could, but knowing I didn't finish everything on my list and fully realizing the list will be waiting for me in the morning, with more things to add to it. I lay my head on the pillow, hoping to rest, to get a break, even for just a few hours.
The baby doesn't seem to understand this, however.
And so, I am up multiple times rocking and shhhing and nursing and holding and reminding myself this is just a season of life, a short season. I know if I blink too many more times, my babies will be graduating from college and walking down the aisle in beautiful gowns and starting their own families. I try to cherish the moment. I tell myself to savor them, to hold them close.
But, if I am honest, I am tired.
Exhausted.
And I can't do it all.
I just can't.
I'm not a machine.
Granted, I have good intentions.
My alarm is set for 5 am.
I plan on getting up early to work out, read my Bible, pray, journal, blog.
I envision getting chores done before the children are awake and needing my constant attention.
I dream of peace and quiet.
The baby's cries quickly jolt me back to reality...
After an interrupted night, the new day begins and it starts all over again.
Dishes.
Laundry.
Picking up and cleaning and organizing.
Homeschool.
Making special memories with the girls, or at least trying to have fun with them.
Breaking up fights.
Running errands.
Fixing meals.
Being a wife.
A friend.
A church member who wants to contribute to the community she loves.
A daughter.
Running a successful health and wellness business.
Whew!
I'm tired just thinking about it all.
Again, I close my eyes and shake my head.
I can't do it all.
I simply can't.
As much as I want to throw my hands up in the air or go hide in the bathroom, that won't work.
The children always find me.
It's like the KNOW when I have to pee and that's the exact moment they need me the most.
Or just HAVE to be WITH me.
The closed door is an invitation to stick hands under it and do their best to reach out for you.
If they are smart, they take advantage of the time left alone to destroy the toy room you just cleaned up or to "bless" you by getting their own snack or pouring themselves a glass of milk all by themselves like a big girl...
So running away isn't really an option.
You'll just have more work when you get back.
Quitting isn't possible either.
Not really.
So, I'm left to do it all.
But I can't.
It's impossible.
Or is it?
Zechariah 8:6 (yes odd place to look) gives me hope:
"This is what the Lord of Heaven's Armies says; All this may SEEM impossible to you now, a small remnant of God's people. But is it impossible for ME? says the Lord of Heaven's Armies."
And countless times throughout the New Testament, I am told:
NOTHING is impossible for God.
Not a virgin birth.
Not raising a dead girl back to life.
Not feeding 5,000+ people with just 5 loaves and 2 fish.
Not restoring sight to a man blind since birth.
Not healing a woman sick for 12 years.
Not walking on water.
Not coming back to life after 3 days and saving from their sins anyone who will believe.
In fact, God is an expert at doing the impossible.
Ephesians 3:20 has been a verse I am clinging to lately:
"Now all glory to God, who is ABLE, through His might power at work WITHIN us, to accomplish INFINITELY MORE than we might ask or think."
Then there's Paul's honest confession of his personal weakness and the opportunity it provides for God to shine through and display His power:
"Each time He said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in WEAKNESS.' So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me."
~2 Corinthians 2:9
How refreshing to know I don't have to be strong.
I don't have to do it all.
In fact, I shouldn't even begin to try.
Rather...
Much like the Israelites at the Red Sea, I need only "stand still and watch."
Instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I should, "stay calm."
"But Moses told the people, 'Don't be afraid. Just STAN STILL AND WATCH the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you. JUST STAY CALM.'" ~Exodus 14:13-14
We see the same thing happen once more in Exodus 17 when Moses tells Joshua to fight the army of Amalek. As long as Moses held his hands up, the Israelites were winning. When Moses' arms got tired, Aaron and Hur held them up. And the Israelites won!!! God had fought for them.
Moses reminded the nation of God's faithfulness and urged them to keep trusting Him as they prepared to enter the Promised Land. Before he handed over the leadership responsibilities to Joshua, he spoke to the people in Deuteronomy 1:30, "The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will FIGHT FOR YOU, just as you saw Him do in Egypt."
Good news, my dear and tired friends!
We serve the SAME GOD today!!!
He hasn't stopped fighting for us.
He is still a master at parting Red Seas and defeating enemy armies.
He is still capable of making the lame walk, the blind see, and even the dead be raised back to life.
This same God not only fights for us, but REJOICES over us:
"For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a might Savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With His love, He will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."
Zephaniah 3:17
As He quiets me, He FILLS me.
With His strength and power and hope and joy and peace.
Right before the amazing promise in Ephesians 3:20, we see THIS:
"I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust Him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is."
As we are filled with God Himself, we can say as Paul did in Philippians 4:13:
I CAN DO ALL THINGS through Christ, who gives me strength!
Not of ourselves.
We most certainly fall short.
We get overwhelmed.
Tired.
Discouraged.
Defeated.
And just when we think we can't go on, when we throw in the towel and hang our heads to walk away, THAT is when Jesus comes along side us (He's been there all along), touches our shoulder, turns our head to Him, looks us in the eye, and whispers in our ear,
"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
~Matthew 11:28
How delighted I am to know it's okay that I can't do it all.
That I am never asked to.
With a huge sigh of relief, I gladly hand over my burdens to my Jesus.
I find hope in the promise from Isaiah:
Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
29
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
30
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
31
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
I may not be soaring like an eagle yet, but for now I have the inner strength to make the climb up the stairs to get the crying baby who just woke up from her nap. I have the patience to tell the girls to pick up the toys AGAIN while I make them lunch. I have the joy to see the positive in my crazy, chaotic life...
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