See, I have been kind of "down in the dumps" lately. Really, it's a matter of focus and perspective. I have been feeling sorry for myself and letting all the "negatives" take over my heart. Because I do in-home daycare I am at home all day, every day. Due to the number and ages of the children I watch I am not able to safely take everyone outside to play, drive or walk to the park, etc. Thus, I feel trapped. I also start to feel the monotony of changing diapers, singing the alphabet song, fixing snacks, watching Baby Einstein, changing diapers, wiping snotty noses, refilling bottles, stacking blocks, changing diapers, picking up toys, counting to ten, changing diapers...well, I think you get the idea. The past couple of days in particular I have let these feelings overwhelm me and I have become discouraged. I focus on the things I am not able to do, the places I am not able to go, the activities I am not able to be involved in, etc, etc.
God is so good though. He always knows exactly where we are at, the condition of our hearts. And He knows what is best for us. Instead of changing my situation, He is going to help me change my attitude, my perspective. Because I am stubborn, He knew that I would need to hear the same thing several times before I really caught on to what He is trying to teach me.
Last Wednesday in our small group, Jay mentioned the song, "Count Your Blessings." This past week I have been doing a Bible study by Beth Moore on the fruit of the Spirit. When I read the very familiar 1 Corinthians 13, "love always hopes, love always perseveres through every circumstance, love never fails" really stuck out to me, especially the persevering part. It was kind of like God was reminding me that my situation isn't going to change, so I need to "deal with it" and just keep going. Next, Coralyn and I went to the library one evening after everyone had gone home for the day. I got some kids' Scripture memory CDs. The first song, "Give Thanks to the Lord." Last, but not least, I started the next week's homework for the Beth Moore Bible study. We are on the second aspect of the fruit of the Spirit -- JOY. How fitting! I think I am at least starting to get the idea. :)
So, figure I should act on that and work on changing my attitude and perspective. I need to focus on the positives, and there are so many as God has blessed me abundantly. Since I'm a literal person, I am going to "count my blessings" and "name them one by one."
1. God has saved me, rescuing me from death and eternal separation from Him. He has written my name in the Lamb's Book of Life, guaranteeing that I will spend all eternity with Him and forever enjoy His presence.
2. I have an amazing husband who loves me. Lawrence is my best friend and the greatest gift God could have ever given me.
3. I have a precious "baby" girl. Coralyn is the second greatest gift from God. I am so delighted to be a mama.
4. I get to stay at home with Coralyn and spend every day with her. I get to see all her "firsts" and help her develop new skills. Not only do I get to teach her letters, shapes, colors, etc., but I get to teach her about Jesus.
5. I have 4 really good kiddos who I get to take care of every day. They are well-behaved and get along with each other (for the most part, they are human after all!). Coralyn gets to interact with other kids all the time and learn from them.
6. I watch teachers' kids, so I have the same vacation days as Lawrence and we can spend that time together as a family.
7. I have a wonderful family. My parents love me (and Lawrence and Coralyn) so extravagantly.
8. I have some fabulous in-laws. Lawrence's family loves us and I am so blessed to get to be a part of their lives.
9. We a part of a great church where God's Word is preached and we are given the opportunity to live out the gospel message in the community.
10. We have some fantastic friends. Our small group especially challenges and encourages us as we live out life together.
11. We have a house in the "perfect" location. We are close to church. We are close to all the stores and shops we could ever need. Yet, we are in a quiet neighborhood, close to a park.
12. We have money to buy groceries, pay the bills, and put aside some savings.
13. Our closets are more than full.
14. We are free to worship God. We have His Word in our language. We can meet with other believers without fear of imprisonment or other such persecution.
15. We live in a community with a school district known for academic excellence, as well as its extracurricular activities.
16. We live in a country with a democratic government and we elect our leaders (granted, the person we want may not win the election or we may not like everything our leaders do).
17. We have live in a country with a road system that includes paved roads, highways, stop lights, stop signs, cross walks, etc.
18. We have constant electricity and running water.
19. We have a plethora of books in our own language that are free to borrow from a local library.
20. We have a variety of restaurants available for us so that we can go out to eat and not have to prepare food or do any of the clean-up.
21. We have endless options for entertainment.
22. I am in good health and can enjoy working out at the community center or going for a run through town.
23. Lawrence is also in good health. We get to enjoy walking, hiking, camping, etc. outdoors together.
24. We both have jobs where we get to use the talents God has given us.
25. We get to make a lasting impact on kids' lives. Lawrence gets to invite students to Ponca every year, and as a result many children have accepted Christ as their Savior.
26. We get to be a part of what God does at Ponca and develop relationships with some pretty amazing people in the process.
27. We have two vehicles that are in good condition, and no car payments.
28. We don't have any allergies and get to enjoy all the foods we could possibly want.
29. Our fridge and cupboards always have food in them.
30. We have an oven, microwave, and many other appliances that make our lives easier, including a coffee maker!
31. We have furniture in every room of our house.
32. We have air conditioning and heat.
33. We have a computer and printer.
34. We live in a part of the country that has all 4 seasons (usually).
35. I have all five senses. At this time of year, I am especially glad that I can see and enjoy the beautiful colors of fall.
36. The Holy Spirit is living within, meaning that all of God's power and wisdom (not to mention all His other qualities) are available to me 24/7.
37. Because of Jesus Christ, I can have direct access to God at all times.
38. Jesus Christ was raised from the dead and has promised to return. When He does I will be transformed and share in His glory.
39. This world is not my eternal home. I am only here for a short time, compared to the eternity that I will spend in God's very presence.
40. God has forgiven me of every single sin I have ever committed or will ever commit. He sees me as perfect and innocent, pure and holy because I am washed in the blood of Jesus.
41. God created me in His image. He designed me so that I am unique and exactly the way He wanted me to be.
42. God gave me special gifts and abilities to use so that I can accomplish the plans He has for me. He actually lets me play a role in His kingdom work.
43. We have had both the opportunity and the means to travel to different places and see some really cool parts of God's creation.
44. God has kept Coralyn safe so many times it's not even funny.
45. I have shoes that fit. They don't have holes and aren't coming apart. If I don't like a certain pair, I have plenty of others in the closet that I can wear.
46. I have a bed to sleep in at night, and it's very comfortable.
47. While I may not be talented musically myself, I am still thankful for music. And that there are many different kinds to enjoy.
48. I got to sleep and rest last night, and woke up again this morning.
49. I saw 7 deer while I was running this morning.
50. Right now all the kids are quiet. :)
And that's just 50. I will keep counting my blessings as I go throughout the day. And the cool thing is that as I have been naming my blessings this morning, my attitude has been better. I have had more patience with the kids. I have had more fun playing with them, even if it is the same things over and over again. Thank You, God, for opening my eyes and changing my heart.
Now I feel like I really can sing along with the kids, "I've got joy, joy, joy down in my heart...deep, deep down in my heart."
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