Sunday, November 24, 2013

Why Wait?

I just saw a quote, "Changing your life is hard.  Changing it by yourself is harder."

I know right now we are in the middle of the busy holiday season, and you may not be thinking about change and resolutions and goals.  Usually, we wait to do that until January 1 -- or 2nd or 3rd or whenever we get around to it....

Why wait?
Why postpone becoming a better person?
Why put off making changes that will improve your life NOW?


Honestly, usually because it's easier, less threatening, not as scary, and doesn't require a good hard look in the mirror or the admission that change is necessary.

Maybe you are thinking about change and resolutions and goals already -- maybe even just a goal of NOT gaining so much weight this holiday or being more consistent in your work out routine even during these busy times or not letting the hustle and bustle stress you out this year.  Whatever your goal may be for NOW and/or for the New Year (which will be here before you know it), I would certainly love to help you reach that goal.

If change is hard, and making that change by yourself is even harder, why go about it alone?!

And why wait?

I'm here NOW.
I'm ready to come along side you and help you.
Encourage you.
Support you.
Push you.
Go the extra mile with you.
Pick you up when you fall.
Rejoice with you when you succeed.

Together, we can help each other BECOME the people we were created and designed to be!!!

Together, we can get more out of life.

Change is hard.
So, let's not make it any harder than it already is.
Let's do this TOGETHER!

Why wait?

Friday, November 22, 2013

Had I Known

Had I known Tuesday morning when I woke up that I would have a baby girl that afternoon, would I have gone about my day a little differently?

Had I known when I was at story time with Coralyn and Kellah that it would be my last trip to the library with just 2 kiddos, would I have checked out more books or talked to more of the moms around me?

Had I known when I was walking on the treadmill that I would be in labor just hours later, would I have done the same work out?

Had I known driving to and from my prenatal appointment that I would be giving birth when I got home, would I have made the trip all the way to Overland Park and back, through ridiculous construction zones?

Had I known I would be holding my newborn baby within an hour after my friend left my house, would I have told her to come on over to get a wrap and talk about the It Works business?

Had I known my "mild" contractions would go to INTENSE in a matter of minutes, would I have taken the 5 minutes to sign up a new customer?

Had I known my labor was going to be as crazy as it was, would I have called Lawrence home a bit earlier?

Thing is... I didn't know.

As I was reflecting on all that happened prior to Kyiah's birth on Tuesday, I admitted I would probably have done things quite a bit differently that day had I known what was going to happen that afternoon.

And yet, I am glad I didn't know.  I thoroughly enjoyed everything I did on Tuesday -- story time, working out, the prenatal, chatting with my friend, etc.

If I had known Kyiah was coming, I might have been tempted to set the timer and watch the clock.  Every tick would have seemed like hours.  The day would have stretched on and on.  4:54 would have seemed like an eternity away.

Not to mention I would have had plenty of time to sit and think about all that could go wrong, all that MIGHT happen.  I already struggle with fear and worry and imagining the worse case scenarios enough.  I don't need any help with my imagination.

And so I am thankful I didn't know.  That I went about my day like it was any other.  How much would I have missed out on if I had woken up, gone downstairs, and just sat on the couch waiting for the big event to happen?

How true is this of my relationship with Jesus though?

I don't know when He's coming back -- I just know He is.  In the same way I knew Kyiah was eventually going to come, I know Jesus is planning His return.

I didn't just sit around and wait for my baby to arrive though.  That would have been stupid.
And it would be stupid for me to sit around twidling my thumbs waiting for Jesus to show up.

Imagine how much life I would miss out on!!

So, I challenge you (and myself) today.
Make today count.  
Live life to the fullest.

Should Jesus come back today, may He find us sharing His love,
spreading the Good News,
fighting for our faith,
standing up for what's right,
helping the poor,
serving our neighbor,
and simply living for Him in every area of our lives - no matter how big or small they may seem at the time.

Don't be caught saying, "Had I known Jesus was coming today, I would have..."
Instead, be found DOING it!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Kyiah Hesed {How She Got Her Name}

Kyiah Hesed is finally here and we are so excited to be able to say her name out loud.

Lawrence and I have whispered her name to each other at night, after the girls were in bed.  We were careful to never mention the baby's name around either one of the girls, not wanting them to hear and then announce the name to impatient family and friends eager to know such top-secret information.

Even when we did utter our baby's name, we didn't know what exactly to say.  Were we talking to a boy or a girl?  We didn't know.  And that made picking a name a little more difficult than with Coralyn and Kellah.  Both girls are named after family members.  Coralyn Ruth gets her name from Lawrence's mom Sherry Lynne, his sister Stephanie Lynne, and our niece Katlynne.  Ruth was my grandma (dad's mom) and is my middle name as well.  Kellah Grace is named after my mom Cleta Estella (we used the "ella" part).  We kind of exhausted all the familial girl names -- unless we wanted to use Velma, since we both have a grandma with that name.  Somehow that just didn't tickle our ears (though we love our grandmas).  And so we were left on our own to come up with an original name should we have a third baby girl.

Poor Kyiah, her named changed so many times throughout the pregnancy!  She's been called so many different things in the womb, I hope she's not too confused now that she's out in the real world!!! :)

We started with Kessler Shalom should our baby be girl #3.  We've liked the name Kessler since I was pregnant with Coralyn.  We saw the street sign every week when we would drive to our childbirth class and thought it would be a unique name for a child.  We never got around to using the name though, because we wanted to name our children after family members.  Since we had used up all the girl family names, we came back to Kessler for this pregnancy.  I can't even remember what Kessler means, which is one of the reasons we ended up not staying with it.  Meaning is extremely important to us!  Shalom, though, was significant as we felt God has brought us out of a dark, hard time and into a time of peace.  When I was pregnant with Kellah, our finances were tight to say the least.  We didn't know where the money would be to pay our bills or buy food or put gas in the vehicles.  We went on WIC.  I would go to a monthly Harvesters food give-away at a nearby church.  We got anonymous gifts from people at our church and checks in the mail from generous strangers.  Somehow, God always provided, but it was a rough time to say the least.  Since then, we have moved into a beautiful home, are active in the ministry God has laid on our hearts, and have the opportunity to bless others with the extra money He has put in our bank account each month.  We feel God's peace in countless ways and are just so thankful for His faithful goodness and abundant love that he showers on us day after day.  Despite all that, we didn't feel like Kessler Shalom was the name for our baby should she be a little girl.  Kessler wasn't quite feminine enough for our liking, I guess.

And so we switched to Kessa and thought about Kessy as a nickname.  We thought it was pretty.  Only problem, we didn't have a middle name.  Shalom was beautiful too, but for some reason, it just wasn't the right name.  On a trip to Whitewater to visit my parents, we talked and talked about a middle name to go with Kessa.  As soon as I had found out I was pregnant, God had given me two words to pray over the child, be it a boy or girl.  Loyal.  Steadfast.  And so I prayed our baby would grow up to be a loyal and steadfast friend, that he/she would stand up for what is right and be steadfast in doing good even when it wasn't popular or easy, that he/she would remain loyal to God and live out his/her faith no matter the cost.  I shared these words and my prayer for our child with Lawrence, and as I did I remembered that there is a Hebrew word that means "loyal and steadfast."  We looked it up on the phone and found Hesed (Chesed).  We really wanted the middle name at least to be either Hebrew or Greek for something God was speaking to us and doing in our lives, so Hesed stuck out to us both.  BUT, Kessa Hesed didn't really flow as nicely as we would have liked.  We kept brainstorming and thought, "what if we used a middle name that started with D to make Kessa D kind of sound like Hesed."  I put "girls' that start with D" in my phone and we scrolled through countless D names.  Nothing really stood out, except maybe Dawn.  Kessa Dawn.  It flowed.  It was pretty.  We felt like we were on the "dawn" of something new, as God brought us out of darkness into light, working through us in some really neat and unexpected ways.  Well, we had a new name for our baby girl.  I started rubbing my belly and whispering, "I love you, Kessa Dawn."  (I would also say our boy name, which is staying a secret for now - though it also changed multiple times throughout the pregnancy.)

We were good to go on our girl name, or so we thought.  Seeing as how we were always discussing baby names and changing them on road trips, I jokingly asked Lawrence before we left for Branson to celebrate his parents' 40th wedding anniversary (the last weekend in October!) if we were going to be coming up with yet another name for our child.  We both agreed we were good to go for both our girl and boy name.

Then, we started driving!

Apparently, neither one of us were truly satisfied with Kessa Dawn.  It just wasn't right.  And so we began once again to talk about what our child should be called if she was a girl.  We went back to Hesed.  God had definitely given us the words "loyal" and "steadfast" for this child.  He had certainly made His loyal, steadfast love apparent to us in so many ways.  He wants us to extend that loyal, steadfast love to those around us.  We pray our child will grow up knowing and experiencing God's loyal, steadfast love and in turn live that out on a daily basis, sharing Jesus with anyone and everyone she meets.  It was decided - Hesed would be our little girl's middle name.  Now, for a first name.  Of course, it had to start with a C or K.  By now you have to have figured out that pattern for our family :)  Again, we were interested in something Hebrew or Greek, something God had been working in our hearts.  Several unique names came to mind as I remembered some girls from grade school and college.  Ironically enough, I knew a Hesed at Moody and was a Resident Assistant with her (great girl!).  Her dad was a pastor and had chosen biblical names for his children; Hesed's sister was Charis which is Greek for "God's grace."  So I threw out Charis or Karis (since I knew a girl from elementary school with that name).  Wonderful meaning, but not the right name for our baby girl.  I recalled another girl from Moody named Chaia and looked her up on facebook to make sure I was saying and spelling her name correctly.  Yep.  So then I put Chaia in the phone to see what it meant in Hebrew or Greek (not a Bible language scholar so I wasn't sure).  Chaia too is Hebrew and means "life."  We both loved the name and the meaning.  God indeed was ALIVE in us and making His power and presence known to us in a variety of ways.  He had blessed us with this LIFE in my womb.  We wanted Him to use this child's LIFE for His honor and glory.  We prayed this baby would bring LIFE to many in that she would make Jesus known to those around her.  Lawrence, however, did not like the spelling of Chaia - looked and sounded like Chai tea or the Chia pet.  Couldn't have that for our little girl, now could we?! :)

So we scribbled out other ways to spell Chaia and came up with Kyiah.  We both loved it, though Lawrence wasn't quite for sure about the i in there -- too many vowels.  He wanted it short and simple Kyah.  I liked the i and thought it was prettier with it.  We didn't for sure settle on the spelling until Tuesday when she was born!  When we went to tell Amber how to spell the name for the birth certificate, we had to stop and look at each other for a second.  I went ahead with the i.  I said, "After her birth, we need that i in there. I mean Ai! Ai! Ai! she came so fast and everything was so crazy!"

And so we proudly welcomed Kyiah Hesed to our family.  We can finally call her by name!

Now you know the story behind our precious baby girl's name.  We pray she lives up to its meaning.

Crazy how God has answered our prayers - extremely specific ones - for both Coralyn and Kellah, even as young as they are.  For Coralyn, we prayed she would be observant, curious, inquisitive, and a go-getter.  She is all that AND MORE - pointing out things as we drive along, asking questions, remembering how to get places, and going non-stop until she finally falls asleep at night while reading book after book after book!  Her name means "maiden" and Ruth means "loyal friend."  She is all about being a maiden, or princess, right now and is definitely loyal, especially when it comes to standing up for her little sister.

Speaking of Kellah.  Her name means "gracious warrior" and well her middle name Grace kind of speaks for itself - as we definitely experienced God's grace during her pregnancy!  She was also a gracious gift to us, coming 364 days after we had miscarried.  We prayed for her in the womb that she would be sensitive to the needs of those around her, taking note of them and standing up to help others, fighting for them if need be.  A silent leader, a gracious warrior.  She certainly is just that already at her young age.  When the daycare kiddos' moms come, Kellah runs to get each child's shoes and diaper bag.  She then tries to carry or drag the bag to the mom. She will make sure the daycare babies have toys to play with, sometimes being a little too forceful and shoving them in their faces.  BUT, she certainly notices what others need and is quick to help.  So sweet.  And a direct answer to our prayers.

So, when we pray for little Kyiah to bring life to those around her, we know God will do that.  We know He has some special plans for her.  We know He has a divine purpose for her (Eph 2:10) and that He will use her in mighty ways to make Himself known.  We pray she will be loyal and steadfast, bold and confident in her faith, living passionately for Jesus no matter the cost.  We pray she will reveal to everyone around her the steadfast and loyal love of our amazing and gracious God.

We feel like she's already done just that!  I mean how else can you explain her incredible birth?!  God's fingerprints are all over that -- no other way to explain how everything happened as it did, with no complications or hiccups.  We give Him all the honor and glory!

And we just marvel at our tiny Kyiah Hesed.  She may be small (just 6 pounds, 12 ounces), but like David she is strong and mighty, proclaiming aloud the goodness of God from the moment of her arrival here on earth.  We can't wait to see what God has in store for our precious baby girl!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Kyiah Hesed {Birth Story}

Where do I start?
The past 30 hours have been a whirlwind of excitement and emotion and activity in the Young household.

About 26 hours ago, I was at the library with the girls for Story Time.  Miss Melissa and I joked around that I had made it for the last one of the month, how I didn't ever like to miss out on anything.  I talked with the mom sitting next to me, as we have become friends over the past several weeks.  She had bought a wrap the week before and was interested in ordering on-line, so I promised to send her the information once I got home from the prenatal appointment I had scheduled later in the afternoon.

After the library, we went to Aspen Athletic Club so I could take a walk and maybe help get baby moving.  While I was walking, a man came up to me and asked how far along I was, and his jaw about dropped when I told him my due date was Thursday (tomorrow).  Imagine what he would have done if I had told him my original due date was November 4?!  We talked for a bit, chatting about the motorcycle club he's in and how Lawrence dreams of having a bike of his own someday.  I gave him a coupon for an It Works wrap (that he said his girlfriend might be interested in) and a sample of greens.  At least he knew where I was getting all my energy to be walking over 2 miles at 40 weeks pregnant! :)

24 hours ago I was leaving the gym, after walking 2.5 miles on the treadmill and chatting with the ladies who took Coralyn and Kellah while I got my work out in for the day.

I had packed a lunch and snack for myself to eat in the car as we drove to the Overland Park area for my prenatal appointment.  I got the girls their food and we headed on our way.  About 10 minutes into the trip, I felt like I had a mild contraction - enough that I had to focus and concentrate on my breathing.  My back had really been hurting when I was walking, so I just figured it was still sore from that.  Didn't really think anything of it, until about 10 minutes later, I had another very similar contraction.  When I had a third one, 10 minutes later, I put the heater on in my seat and made it so the lumbar support was pushing on my back quite nicely.  That felt a little better, but 10 minutes later when I had a 4th contraction, I was still forcing myself to breathe deeply and relax as much as possible while navigating through the wonderful (and seemingly never-ending) construction on I-35.  I actually missed the exit to my midwife's house because I was distracted with yet another contraction.  I took the next exit, turned around, and made it to her house, slowly getting out of the car and carrying a sleeping Kellah to the door while Coralyn tagged behind us.

The prenatal visit was great.  My blood pressure was normal.  Baby's heart beat was great.  The girls played with toys while I talked with the midwife and her assistant.  Kellah had to go to the bathroom, but since I was laying down and listening to the baby's heartbeat, we didn't make it in time and my midwife ended up helping me change a poopy diaper, while I was having a contraction mind you!  After a bit, the girls and I gathered our things and headed on our way, joking with the midwife (Amber) that I would give her a call if anything truly exciting started to happen.  Neither one of us really thought too much of any of the mild contractions I had throughout the time at her house.  She offered to send some towels with me just in case I would need them on the way home, but she wasn't serious and we laughed at the idea of me having the baby that soon!

Around 2:30, I pulled into my driveway -- having had contractions all the way home, but this time about 8 minutes apart.  Still really didn't think anything of them and responded to a message from a friend who wanted to know if it would be okay for her to come over around 3 to talk about It Works and get a wrap.  Sure thing!!!

Kellah had fallen asleep again, so I quietly carried her upstairs and laid her down for a nap.  I made my way back downstairs to the kitchen.  I put the defrosted chicken in the fridge, grabbed some peppers and onions to chop up, and got some rice ready to cook for supper.  Then, I got out some yogurt and peanut butter to snack on, but before I could enjoy any, the doorbell rang.  My friend was here!

I invited her in, we wrapped her up, and I answered some questions about being an It Works distributor.  By this point, I was having contractions every 5 minutes or so, but doing everything I could to not let my friend know anything was up.  I would just shift in my seat, get up to get a drink, or excuse myself to go to the bathroom -- at one point I was in the bathroom with a pretty good contraction and hoping she wouldn't hear me breathing loudly through it.  Nope!!  We got her unwrapped, marveled at her results, and she was on her way a little after 4.

As soon as she left, I shoved some yogurt in my mouth, but after just a few bites, Coralyn wanted some too.  I handed the entire container to her, with a spoon, and told her to have the rest.  While she ate, I leaned over the kitchen counter and breathed through yet another contraction - quite a bit stronger this time.  Coralyn asked me what was wrong.  "My stomach just hurts.  The baby might be coming soon."  She got excited and wanted to know if the baby was coming TODAY!  "I don't know.  Maybe."  Didn't want to get her hopes up or anything.

When the contraction was over, I looked over at the computer and noticed I had 3 messages on my facebook screen.  2 were from former childbirth students and 1 was from a friend interested in ordering some greens.  I messaged one of the students back, "No baby yet  My back hurts a bit, but other than that I'm good.  Just impatient."  That was 4:28.  I messaged the friend, telling her to give me a call I was free right then and could get her order in.  Her husband called minutes later and I signed him up on the computer, having multiple contractions during that conversation, and again doing my best to not let anyone know I was in pain at the time.

When I got off the phone, I looked over at the clock.  4:32.  I really didn't want to call Lawrence at school yet because I would have to go through the office.  The secretary would be there and then she would know something was up.  I didn't want anyone to know I was in labor because I didn't want to be under a time pressure from anyone (not that they would do that, but I just didn't want anyone to know until baby was done and born).  BUT, I was to the point where I decided I really could use Lawrence's help to relax through the contractions.  Not to mention some counter pressure on my back would feel amazing!

So, as another contraction started, I got on my hands and knees on the kitchen floor and dialed the school's number.  Karen, one of the secretaries answered and I calmly replied, "Hey this is Sarah.  Could you transfer me to Lawrence's room."  She got all excited and asked, "Are you in labor?!"  Not to get her overly anxious or let her know I was having a pretty rough contraction at that very moment, I just answered, "Maybe..."  "Oh my goodness!  I'm going to transfer you right now!!!"  Seconds later, I heard Lawrence's voice and again tried to remain calm, cool, and collected, "I think you should come home now."  Fighting back tears, I hung up and texted Amber, "I'm having a good contraction every 5-8 minutes.  I just called Lawrence.  I'll let you know when we want you to come."

By this point, I was feeling some pressure really low.  A LOT of pressure.  I made my way to the bathroom and heard the garage door opening.  I told Coralyn to go out and tell Daddy I was in the bathroom, which she did.  I'm not sure where she went after that, exactly, but I know Lawrence came into the bathroom.  Another contraction hit and I leaned on him and told him, "Pray!"  He did. When the contraction was over, he ran upstairs to get the birth tub filled with water.  Coralyn must have followed him because when I got to the top of the stairs, she was holding the hose and helping Daddy, and doing just what he asked her to do.  So proud of her!

At the top of the stairs, I got an email saying my new loyal customer was enrolled and I had another contraction.  Then, I made my way to the bedroom, where I leaned over on the bed and yelled for Lawrence to come.  He asked me where I was and ran to find me.  I told him to push on my back, and he did.  Then, he cussed because he realized he hadn't put the liner in the birth tub before starting to fill it with water!  After the contraction, he ran to turn off the water, grab the hose from Coralyn, and try to fix the problem.  While all that was happening, my water broke.  In the bedroom. By my bed.

I knew this wasn't a good sign.  In that I knew this baby was coming.  FAST.  With Coralyn my water broke at 7 am and she was born at 8.  With Kellah my water broke and with the next contraction her head was out.  And so I knew this baby was going to come much sooner than I had expected!  As quickly as I could, I shuffled to the bathroom, took of my soaking pants and socks, and sent a text to Amber, "Water broke."  Then, I went to sit on the toilet, figuring that was the best place to be when this baby came since we didn't have any towels or anything out yet.  Another contraction came, and I screamed for Lawrence to come.  Again, he didn't know where I was and had to run to find me.  He turned the light on and I promptly yelled for him to turn it back off, not wanting the lights in my eyes.

He came and knelt down in front of me, and I told him, "The baby is coming!"  He didn't realize I meant like right at that very second.  "Okay," he responded and then kind of did a double take as the baby's head appeared!  "OKAY!" he sighed, this time with a bit more emotion and a lot of surprise.

We sat there and waited.  Not knowing what to do, Lawrence asked if I wanted to try to get to the birth tub.  "We don't have time for that!"  I didn't really know what position to get in or what to do, so I just kind of leaned forward a bit more, trying not to push for fear of tearing as this baby made its way into the world.  With the next contraction, the rest of the body slid out and we lifted the baby to my chest.

Immediately we checked and announced to each other, "It's a girl!"  Then, we turned our attention to her cord which was wrapped around her neck.  God helped me remain calm and notice that all I needed to do was turn her and lift the cord from her stomach and over her head.  She was pink and crying within seconds!

In awe that we had just delivered our baby without our midwife, we looked at each other and then down at our beautiful, precious, perfect little girl.  Wow!!!

Lawrence went to call Amber and let her know the baby had come.  It was 4:54.  Just 22 minutes after I had called him to come home.

She heard crying and thought it was Kellah.  No, she was just in her crib -- having woken up from her nap when I had reached the top of the stairs earlier. She had started calling out to us, but seeing as how neither one of us could help her, Coralyn had taken it upon herself to go and play with her little sister in her room.  Again, so proud of her!!!

We asked Amber what to do - should we cut the cord or anything.  She told us to wait until she got there with her sterile scissors.  She wanted me to go ahead and get on the bed and lie flat to make sure I didn't have any excessive bleeding.  Lawrence went into the bedroom to lay out the chunx pads, and I sat there on the toilet holding our baby girl.  When I went to get up, I noticed I felt a heaviness kind of holding me back.  I looked down and there in the toilet was the placenta!!!  I hadn't even felt a contraction or anything to let me know it had come already.  We think maybe it just came out with the baby...

So, Lawrence got a bowl, picked up the placenta out of the toilet, and placed it in the bowl under me.  We awkwardly made our way to the bed.  Poor Lawrence, he doesn't know anything about chunx pads and had put them all over the bed, but upside down.  We took care of that, and I climbed into bed with baby.  Again, not sure what the girls were doing, but they did a great job playing I guess. I didn't see Coralyn until the door beeped to let us know Amber had arrived.  Coralyn greeted her at the top of the steps with a big smile and letting her know, "The baby is here!"  Kellah wanted in on the action too and called out for Daddy again.

While Amber checked on me and the baby, Lawrence got the girls.  Kellah had another poopy diaper, so he got to change that one!  We filled Amber in on the birth and laughed at how fast everything had happened.

After a bit, Lawrence clamped and cut the cord.

Amber checked out the placenta.  We weighed and measured the baby.

Amber emptied the water from the birth tub and deflated it - too bad we never had the chance to actually use it.  Within 2 hours of her arriving, everything was cleaned up and we were a happy family of 5.

The girls were excited to meet their new sister.

We were just blown away by God's presence throughout the birth!!!  We prayed that this baby's arrival would bring Him much glory and honor, and we certainly think little miss Kyiah Hesed did just that as she made her bold and FAST entrance into the world!

I'll have to write more about her name and the special meaning behind it later.  Right now, my little girl seems to need me!!! :)

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Watching and Waiting

Will today be the day?

I don't know.

"The baby didn't come out today," Coralyn reminded me last night at supper, just in case I had forgotten or didn't realize the obvious.  "Will it come out tomorrow?"

I don't know.

And that is hard for me.

I am a planner.  I like to know all the details, get everything lined out, all my ducks in a row.

This pregnancy has been a hard one for me in that regards.  I don't know the gender of this baby.  I don't really know the due date either.  No one really ever knows the exact day their baby will arrive, unless they have a planned C-Section.  Due dates are estimates.  But with this pregnancy, I have had more of a due month since my "due date" and what the sonograms show didn't coincide.  Instead, my sonograms put me about 3 weeks behind my due date of November 4.  So November 21 could be my "due date."  Who knows?

Not me.

Letting go of that control -- not that I really ever had it to begin with -- has been pretty difficult for me.

But good too.
So good.

I am learning to trust God.
To remember that His ways are not mine.  His are better.
To realize that His timing is not mine.  His is better.
To recognize that I am not in charge.  He is.  And He actually knows what He's doing.

I am struggling with patience, as any pregnant mama does towards the end of the pregnancy.
I am anxious to meet this precious little baby.  To learn the gender.  To finally call him/her by name.  To hug and kiss and hold him/her close.  To look into his/her eyes and then whisper in his/her ears, "I love you" over and over and over again.

As I am watching the clock and the minutes are ticking by, as I mark days off the calendar, I am learning how to play the waiting game.  I did this when I was pregnant with Kellah.  She came a week and 1 day after her "due date."  I kind of knew that she would from the very beginning though.  You see, she was born 364 days after our miscarriage.  As soon as I found out we were expecting her, I just knew she was going to come then and be a reason to celebrate instead of mourn.  God gave us a day of joy rather than sorrow.  He's so awesome like that.

And He will do something amazing with this baby too.  He already has the birthday all set.  He has since the beginning of time.  What a mind-blowing thought!!!

Personally, I really wanted the baby to be born yesterday and have the fun birthday of 11-12-13, but obviously God has different plans.  Better ones.

So, when will this baby come?  I still don't know.

And I don't have to.

What I been challenged with recently, on top of being patient and trusting God to do what's best, is that I should be watching and waiting for Jesus' return with the same excitement and anticipation as I am for this baby!  God showed me this during Kellah's pregnancy as well, so you would think I would have gotten the concept by now, but nope...

I think that's good though.  Daily, I should wake up asking myself, "Will today be the day?  Will I see Jesus today?"

I don't know.
No one does.

BUT, we should all live like it is.  For today very well could be the day we see Him face to face.  Today could be the day we get to look into His eyes, to hear Him whisper in our ears, "I love you" over and over and over again.

At least I know that is what I am going to hear Him say.
I don't know about you, but I hope you are as ready as I am.  That you know with confidence what Jesus will say, how He will greet you when you stand in His presence for the first time.

Until that day, we watch and wait.
And as we do, if you have any questions about how you can know for sure what your experience will be like when we do stand before Jesus, I would LOVE to talk with  you.  That I do have answers for.

As far as when this baby will come, your guess is as good as mine.