Watching and Waiting

Will today be the day?

I don't know.

"The baby didn't come out today," Coralyn reminded me last night at supper, just in case I had forgotten or didn't realize the obvious.  "Will it come out tomorrow?"

I don't know.

And that is hard for me.

I am a planner.  I like to know all the details, get everything lined out, all my ducks in a row.

This pregnancy has been a hard one for me in that regards.  I don't know the gender of this baby.  I don't really know the due date either.  No one really ever knows the exact day their baby will arrive, unless they have a planned C-Section.  Due dates are estimates.  But with this pregnancy, I have had more of a due month since my "due date" and what the sonograms show didn't coincide.  Instead, my sonograms put me about 3 weeks behind my due date of November 4.  So November 21 could be my "due date."  Who knows?

Not me.

Letting go of that control -- not that I really ever had it to begin with -- has been pretty difficult for me.

But good too.
So good.

I am learning to trust God.
To remember that His ways are not mine.  His are better.
To realize that His timing is not mine.  His is better.
To recognize that I am not in charge.  He is.  And He actually knows what He's doing.

I am struggling with patience, as any pregnant mama does towards the end of the pregnancy.
I am anxious to meet this precious little baby.  To learn the gender.  To finally call him/her by name.  To hug and kiss and hold him/her close.  To look into his/her eyes and then whisper in his/her ears, "I love you" over and over and over again.

As I am watching the clock and the minutes are ticking by, as I mark days off the calendar, I am learning how to play the waiting game.  I did this when I was pregnant with Kellah.  She came a week and 1 day after her "due date."  I kind of knew that she would from the very beginning though.  You see, she was born 364 days after our miscarriage.  As soon as I found out we were expecting her, I just knew she was going to come then and be a reason to celebrate instead of mourn.  God gave us a day of joy rather than sorrow.  He's so awesome like that.

And He will do something amazing with this baby too.  He already has the birthday all set.  He has since the beginning of time.  What a mind-blowing thought!!!

Personally, I really wanted the baby to be born yesterday and have the fun birthday of 11-12-13, but obviously God has different plans.  Better ones.

So, when will this baby come?  I still don't know.

And I don't have to.

What I been challenged with recently, on top of being patient and trusting God to do what's best, is that I should be watching and waiting for Jesus' return with the same excitement and anticipation as I am for this baby!  God showed me this during Kellah's pregnancy as well, so you would think I would have gotten the concept by now, but nope...

I think that's good though.  Daily, I should wake up asking myself, "Will today be the day?  Will I see Jesus today?"

I don't know.
No one does.

BUT, we should all live like it is.  For today very well could be the day we see Him face to face.  Today could be the day we get to look into His eyes, to hear Him whisper in our ears, "I love you" over and over and over again.

At least I know that is what I am going to hear Him say.
I don't know about you, but I hope you are as ready as I am.  That you know with confidence what Jesus will say, how He will greet you when you stand in His presence for the first time.

Until that day, we watch and wait.
And as we do, if you have any questions about how you can know for sure what your experience will be like when we do stand before Jesus, I would LOVE to talk with  you.  That I do have answers for.

As far as when this baby will come, your guess is as good as mine.