I got to sleep in, all snuggled up to my newborn baby girl. Then, as I just laid there in bed next to her, I watched her sleep. So peaceful. So content. I want to soak up these moments, because I know they won't last forever and once they're gone, I can never get them back.
Eventually, I forced myself to get up out of bed and slowly made my way downstairs where I heard Christmas music playing. I found my 2 year old sitting on my husband's lap as he worked at the computer. I started a pot of coffee, fixed some breakfast, and then sat down to enjoy my scrambled eggs and blueberry pancakes. My 2 year old felt the need to pull her chair from one side of the table to where I was sitting. She "needed" to be right next to me. Again, something that won't last forever, and so I smiled and treasured this memory, storing it away in my heart for those times when my daughter is a teenager and yells, "I hate you!" or something awful that she hopefully doesn't really mean but feels the need to say in her fit of hormonal rage.
As I was putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I felt little fingers tickling my back. I turned around, expecting to find my 2 year old, but instead I found my 4 year old smiling and laughing as she delighted in surprising me. I gave her a big hug and melted as she whispered, "I love you, Mommy!" Yet another precious moment. Nothing big or grand or extravagant, but oh so meaningful.
Perhaps it's all these "little" priceless treasures that have gotten me in a dreamy mood today, but whatever the case, I am feeling quite pensive and reflective and excited, honestly. I feel as though I am on the edge of my seat peering into the future, trying to imagine all that could happen and daring to dream. Not just normal dreams though. Big, huge, WILD dreams!
Actually, it's as if God is daring me to let Him dream for me!
I was upstairs in the nursery, feeding my baby girl and dreaming again, when it was a though God whispered in my ear, "I can do better than that." I stopped making my mental list of all I want to do and accomplish in the new year that is just ahead of us. I listened. "My dreams for you are bigger than your dreams." I was blown away at that thought and couldn't help but smile. My joy quickly turned to fear, however. You see, if God is going to be able to work out His plans and purposes for me that first requires me to give up my own plans and purposes. I would need to surrender my hopes and dreams. I would have to lay them at Jesus' feet and trust that what He would give me in return would indeed be far better than what I had imagined myself. I shrunk back, wanting to hold on to what I had planned for myself and my family. I wanted to cling to my plans and hopes and dreams. They were all good things, after all. BUT, as God reminded me, "My ways are not your ways. My plans are not your plans. Mine are better, far better!" It was as if God was challenging me to take Him at His word:
"Now all glory to God, who is able,
through His mighty power at work within us,
to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."
~Ephesians 3:20
or as the Message version puts it:
God can do anything, you know --
far more than you could ever imagine or guess
or request in your wildest dreams!
He does it not by pushing us around
but by working within us,
his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
I love how God speaks to us through His Word. It may have been written thousands of years ago, but it's still alive and applicable today. I also appreciate how God knows exactly what is going on in my mind and heart. He, then, meets me right there and shows me in His Word how He wants to work in my life to bring glory to His name. The reality of that can be scary, extremely scary, at times - like now. Yet, I certainly don't want to miss out on what God has planned. If I cling to my hopes and dreams, as big and crazy and even unattainable as they may seem to me, I will miss out on something better, far better. If I hold on to what I think is good, I won't be able to receive God's best.
My husband and I will be sitting down during Christmas break to write out some of our dreams for this upcoming year, and I am looking forward to that. I so enjoy doing life with him and am blessed beyond words to have him as my partner and companion on the journey God has laid out for us. But as we put on paper what is in our minds and hearts, I am challenged to dream even bigger. Or really, to let God dream for us.
Ironically enough, my husband just called me down to the basement where he was winterizing our window. He's all excited about how we can have kids over to hang out and do tutoring and who knows what all else. We already have a weekly Bible study, but evidently God has bigger things in store for us. Or as my husband shared, "I don't know. It's like I'm renewed and rejuvenated and ready to dream."
Evidently, God has been speaking to my husband today too.
Which makes me all the more excited!
Who knows what will happen in 2014?
I have no idea.
All I do know is that it's going to be beyond our wildest dreams!
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