Guilty Pleasures

Lately I have been struggling with something.  Maybe you can help me figure it out.  I sure would appreciate your thoughts, opinions, and insight!!!

You see, recently I have been fighting the idea of dreaming big.  Wait a second.  Didn't I just write a blog post about dreaming big because we serve a big God?  Oh yes, I did.

And what about that one where I shared how Charlie Brown taught me a lesson: you won't know if you don't try.  Yeah, that was a good one, too.  

Then, there's the one about not putting your dreams off until tomorrow, but taking the leap and starting to make changes TODAY.

You would think I was a dreaming all day long, imagining big huge things happening and visualizing all these wonderful changes taking place in my life.  And yet, here I am in a battle with my mind and heart.

Yes, I have dreams.  BIG ones.
BUT, I am scared to believe they can come true.
Maybe scared isn't the word.
I think my issue is that I am feeling guilty about these pleasures.  I feel selfish wanting to travel, to see the world, to take my girls to Disney World.

I look around me and see people striving just to meet their daily needs.  A homeless person on the street corner.  A friend's post on facebook that their family is struggling financially.  A picture of a little girl diagnosed with a life-threatening disease.  An e-mail from a friend questioning direction in life.

And here I am dreaming about touring Highclaire Castle where Downton Abbey is filmed. Here I am planning a hot air balloon ride or a skydiving adventure.  Heck, I even feel guilty about wanting to paint our master bedroom (my husband would really appreciate a color besides the lovely lavender the house came with) and get new bedding.

Am I wrong to dream?
Am I being selfish?
Should I feel guilty about wanting to enjoy life, to have out-of-this-world experiences?

Part of me shouts YES!
How dare I think about decorative pillows when some people don't even have a bed to sleep in?!
How can I even think about buying only organic food when some people would love to simply have a hot meal in their belly today?
How I can be so heartless as to want to go on an Alaskan cruise when that money could feed hundreds of children in a third-world country or build a well so a town could have safe water or make it possible for a family to bring home their child waiting in an orphanage halfway around the world?

At the same time, though, another part of me whispers, "God Himself said He came so you might have life to the fullest."

Did He not create the beautiful, breath-taking places all around the world for us to see and enjoy?  And in doing so, are we not worshiping Him and bringing Him glory?

Does He not invite us to embark on adventures, to learn new things, to stretch ourselves and grow as individuals?  And is doing so, are we not becoming the people He actually designed and created us to be, using our gifts and abilities to their full extent so that we might point out His goodness and faithfulness?

And then there's the matter of balance.  It's not like I want to obtain massive amounts of money just for the sake of being rich or buying the newest, biggest thing.  Extravagance isn't even on my radar.  The desire to do more, to be more, to experience more is though.

Now, I'm right back where I started.  Wanting to dream and dream BIG.  Hoping that as I do, people understand and see my heart.

Yes, I want to see the world.  Yes, I want to go and do things like a hot air balloon ride and go skydiving and even take the girls to Disney World (heaven help me so I don't strangle a princess while we're there or scream at the thought of all the PINK I'll see).  Yes, I want to paint our master bedroom and get new bedding.  Yes, I want to buy only organic food.

BUT....

I also want to support my friends going to Uganda to build wells.  I also want to donate so my friends can bring their little girl home from China.  I also want to pay for other families to go on dream vacations.  I also want to make my house a place where kids can feel comfortable hanging out.  I also want to randomly bless others all throughout the year, in whatever ways God shows us.

So, I think it all comes down to the heart.
What's at the core of your dreams?
That's what really truly matters, right?

Like I said, I would love to hear what YOU think.
Do you struggle to dream?
Do you ever feel selfish or guilty when you do dream big?