God Sees Me {Part 2}

Yesterday, I shared how God confirmed to me on a Women's Retreat this past weekend that HE SEES ME.  Today, I want to expound on my experience at the retreat and how God continued to speak to me during every session and our small group times as well.

As I listened to the women from the IF Conference, I connected to them.  Not because I could relate to their personal stories, but rather because we serve the same God.

I have no idea what the first woman (can't remember her name for the life of me) endured while she was trapped in human trafficking.

I couldn't really relate to the second woman (can't remember her name either - I was a bit distracted by my baby girl who wasn't content to sit and listen quietly but rather wanted to play in the fireplace and such during the session) who shared how she had an amazingly close relationship with her father growing up.  My dad and I got along okay, but he was certainly not my best friend.  If anything, I was scared of him more than anything.  And when he worked in Ohio while my mom and I lived in Kansas, I didn't see him except on weekends, which were packed with athletic events, church, and homework.  Thankfully, God has healed the hurts from my relationship with my dad.  That's in the past, and now I am amazed to watch him play with my 3 daughters and love on them in the most precious way.  In turn, my girls LOVE their Grampy!

The third speaker was from Australia, abandoned as a baby, unnamed.

I am not from "down under."  I don't have a cool accent.  And my parents have wanted and loved me since birth.  BUT, as she shared her story, anyone within 300 miles of this woman would be able to sense her passion and excitement about God, about serving Him, about pursuing Him wholeheartedly and making Him known everywhere she went.  Anyone looking at her would be able to tell she lived with purpose, intent on helping others recognize the deliverance they have been given because of Jesus' death on the cross.  Anyone who took 2.4 seconds to listen to what she had to say would realize she was intent on leading others to FREEDOM so they could experience the life God has for them.

Her enthusiasm was contagious.
Her excitement bubbled out of her, hopped off the screen, and jumped inside my own belly.

As she spoke of putting generational gaps aside and working together, I wanted to shout AMEN!

As she challenged us to NOT get stuck but to remember God has given us new life, that we are new creations, I couldn't help but smile and feel good inside about who I am in Christ right now.

As she encouraged us to NOT look at ourselves as victims but to MOVE ON, I wanted to cry out, "Yes, Jesus!!  Help me do that!"

As she read Scripture and reinforced that the TRUTH of God's Word is more powerful than the fact of our circumstances, I wanted to scream out, "Yes, yes, YES!!!!  God is bigger."  I even thought about breaking out with Mercy Me's song, "Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world!"

As the session ended, and my baby girl was tugging at my arm and trying her best to rip the pen out of my hands, I jotted down:

Don't stifle my excitement or enthusiasm.

Be bold.

Be diligent.

Spark a fire!

Ignite passion...

We were then dismissed to our small groups, where we soon shared what we were longing for, where I barred my heart and let those women know the big, scary, humanly impossible, God-sized dreams stirring deep within my soul.

How fitting that not 30 minutes earlier, I had been encouraged to pursue my passions, to live boldly.  Coincidental that we first talked about how FEAR can keep us from being authentic?  I think not.

You see, I struggle with fear.

Big time.

I worry about what others will think of me.

How do I look in my clothes?

Am I thin enough?  fit enough?  stylish enough?

Heck, am I enough, period?

Do I measure up...

As a wife?  as a mother?  

What will people think of me if I talk about the wraps or greens or amazing business opportunity with It Works?  Will they roll their eyes, shake their heads, whisper behind my back?  Will they think I am crazy, gone off the deep end, obsessed?

What will people think of me if I share something God has done in my life, how I love Jesus more than anything else, how I talk with Him, how I want to do make sure I am following His plan for my life and honoring Him in all that I do?

Basically, every thing I do, every word I say, every decision I make, I am worried about what others will think.

Can we say I have a problem with fear?

At times it's crippling.

Certainly not freeing...

So, when I watched this woman on stage and heard her speak, I wanted want she had.

Courage.

I feel like I have the passion.

The enthusiasm is there.

The belief is solid.

I am confident in what God has called me to do, to be.

The problem comes when it's time to put rubber to the road.

When it's time to live out those dreams He's put in my heart, I get scared.

I worry. 

I fret.

I FEAR.

And so I hold back.

I simmer down.

I keep quiet.

I MISS OUT!!!

And not just me, but the countless lives God wants to change via the message He has given me to share with them.

I think no one sees me, shrinking back in the corner, trying to hide or at best trying to blend in.

But, GOD SEES ME.

And He knows my heart.

He's ready to unlock the chains, to set me free.

Free from myself more than anything.

And I am ready to let the chains fall.

For good.

As I am overwhelmed with the promise that GOD SEES ME, He reminds me that He has called me to help others see Him.

And so I can't keep quiet.

Not anymore.

The God who sees me accepts me the way I am.  He made me that way.  And He LOVES me.

Check out Psalm 139...

His love casts out fear.

Look in 1 John 4 for more on that...

He has called me by name.

Isaiah 49:1...

He has set a course for my life and will equip me with all I need to complete it.

2 Peter 1:3 assures me I have everything I need for this life of godliness...

The entire book of 1 Peter speaks of God's power and promises at work in my life to fulfill the calling He has for me as I use the specific, divine, supernatural gifts He has given me.

And so I am urged to live my life for the One who has saved me and set me free.

I cannot be conformed.

Rather, I must be transformed.

Then in turn, help others do the same...

Romans 12:1-2

More so, I am asked to consider everything else rubbish in comparison to KNOWING this God and invited to pursue Him with every fiber of my being, giving all I have and leaving everything else behind so that I can receive the ultimate prize when I finally stand before my Savior and King.

Philippians 3:7-14

Finally, I am reminded that I am NOT alone on this journey.

Others have gone before me.

More are traveling with me, blinders on, eyes FIXED on Jesus, set on a common goal.

Take a look in Hebrews 12, and glance back at chapter 11 while you're there...

Then, know this...still more are following behind me, behind YOU, behind US.

I am showing them the way.  So are you.

The future generation depends on ME (and YOU).

Just as I didn't get where I am today on my own, they will not get where they need to be without me, without you, without US.

Someone paid the price for me.  For you.

Shouldn't I then, also be willing to pay the price for those yet to come. 

For my daughters.

And hopefully my sons...

THIS is why I can't be quiet.

Not anymore.

The God who SEES me has CALLED me out.

He has set me FREE.

No more settling for deliverance.

No more wandering in the wilderness.

It's time to move into the Promised Land!

(You might have to listen to the session where Christine Caine explained this to fully understand what I am saying and where I am coming from here.)

God is on the move in my life.

He is doing something new.

And I am excited!