A simple one really.
But HUGE in my book.
I have ALWAYS wanted to be part of a MOPS group, even before I was ever a mama.
In college, I prayed almost daily with my best friend for our future husbands and children. We prayed we would be good moms and raise precious children who love the Lord and grow up with a passion to live for Him.
The prayer of becoming a mama was answered almost 6 years ago.
But the longing and desire to be part of a moms' gorup like MOPS has gone unfulfilled.
Until today.
For the first time in my nearly 6 years of motherhood, I can both
1) afford to be a member of MOPS (it's only $75 a year, BUT in the past that has been something we simply couldn't afford)
AND
2) have the freedom of time to attend (when I was doing in-home daycare there was NO way I could get 4 daycare kiddos AND my girlies all loaded up - not enough space, carseats, or sanity)
So, as I walked hand in hand with my girls to the church this morning, I held back the tears.
Such a simple thing.
Spending time with other mamas.
Making new friends.
Having an adult conversation.
Laughing together.
Knowing I'm not alone in the struggles of mommyhood. Or womanhood for that matter.
Eating yummy food, prepared by someone else (except for the ONE meeting a year when my table group will provide the brunch items) and not having a child steal anything off my plate or sit on my lap while I enjoy my meal.
Feeding my soul.
Refreshing my spirit.
Resting, if even for only a little over an hour.
I didn't really know what to expect this morning since this was my first MOPS experience.
Of course, I did have a picture in my head of what the morning might look like, but was going in with both an open mind and some specific hopes.
Hopes of connecting.
Hopes of establishing new relationships.
Relationships that will be meaningfiul and DEEP.
I am an outgoing person and don't appear shy on the outside, but if you knew what was going on inside my head and heart, you might be surprised. I am usually pretty nervous, worried about what other people are thinking abuot me, concerned if I measure up, always comparing myself to those around me.
I knew 2 of the other moms at my table from our Moms' Club, so I was put at ease a little as I sat down and looked around at everyone in the room.
I quickly began to get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, though.
I noticed quite a few of the women were dressed way more fashionably than I could ever be. They actually have a sense of style!
They had perfectly curled hair.
Beautiful necklaces complimenting their adorable shirts.
I didn't think to look since everyone's feet were under the tables, but I'm sure they all had cute shoes too!
All I could think about for a second was that I was super relieved I had gone with jeans and a cute maternity shirt (that I realized as I was headed into the church didn't want to stay down and cover my 32 week baby bump). Thank goodness I didn't choose the more casual yoga pants and long t-shirt. And I was having a fairly good hair day. Whew!
BUT, what about next month?
Am I going to have to pull it together this well again?!
How in the world am I going to find something adorable and fashionable and stylish to wear at 36 weeks AND have another good hair day on the SAME morning?!
I started to stress.
And compare.
And pre-judge.
And put these other mamas I don't know from Eve into little boxes based on their clothing choices, hair styles, hand bags, shoes, make-up, and other TRIVIAL matters.
Part of me wanted to run and hide.
To politely excuse myself from the table and never return, for fear I would constantly feel inferior.
I didn't.
I stayed put.
And am so glad I did.
As the morning went on, we got to know each other a bit more at our table.
We shared how we all had piles of laundry waiting for us at home.
Dirty dishes in the sink.
Unvacuumed floors.
We all agreed transitioning from working our "regular" jobs to staying home was a HUGE transition.
Some of us mentioned experiencing loneliness, and even depression.
We DIDN'T have it all together.
Not even the cutest dressed mamas at the table.
I was going to blog about giving our "little" to God and watching as He turned it into something so much bigger than ourselves or anything we could ever imagine on our own. And I will get that "Fish and Chips" post up later this week, but for today I felt God asking me to share my experience at MOPS.
To be real and honest about my insecurities.
To be open about how I do NOT have it all figured out or even know how to go about getting it all figured out any time soon.
That's another BIG reason why I NEED to be part of this MOPS group.
To give myself grace.
To allow other mamas to give themselves grace.
To be encouraged.
To encourage other mamas struggling in the same day-to-day battles I am.
To link arms and stand TOGETHER - to hold each other up and become stronger and bolder.
To empower each other.
And as our theme for the year reminded us, to FLOURISH together.
Not just a tiny spark, but a FIERCE, raging fire.
Like one of my favorite songs as of late - souls on fire.
Mamas living passionately and purposefully.
When I saw the flyer with the theme, the words popped off the page.
They hit me square on.
God has been speaking to me, working on me, stirring up some dreams and visions.
So glad He turned my focus from the trendy shirts and "perfect" hairdos to something of more importance - the condition of MY heart.
God has called ME to flourish.
The words were a challenge, yes. But more of a promise really.
As if God was assuring me I WOULD flourish, my goals met, my dreams fulfilled.
And I am here to pass on that same word to YOU.
God is at work in YOUR life.
You may feel like you are in a desert right now.
His LIVING WATER is coming. The drought will NOT last.
You WILL flourish.
So, hold on.
Keep planting those seeds.
Keep pulling those weeds.
Soon enough, your garden (whatever it may be) is going to be breathtakingly beautiful.
Notice, I didn't say anything about the laundry, dishes, or floors.
Those might have to wait until heaven.
But, the FIERCE FLOURISHING of your life will happen right here on earth, admist the the piles of clothes and stacks of crusty plates!
No comments:
Post a Comment