I Just Need Some Space

As a mother of two young children, not to mention 2-3 daycare kiddos Monday through Friday, I don't get much time to myself.  I told my husband the other day, "I don't remember the last time I went to the bathroom without someone watching me."  This was as he took his cell phone into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, announcing he needed just a few minutes to himself.  Granted, he was multitasking by reading His Bible on his phone while using the bathroom.  I can beat that though, as I have learned how to nurse my youngest daughter while going to the bathroom.  Since she's already in there with me, why not knock out two birds with one time and save some time.  Because, as a mom and daycare provider, time is a priceless treasure.

Every day, I look forward to 12:30.  The kids have been fed, diapers have been changed, and everyone lays down to take a nap.  Everyone that is except my oldest daughter.  Coralyn is now 3 years old and has apparently out grown naps.  Much to my despair.

I have tried giving her "quiet time" or "rest time," but really to no avail.  She will sit and read books for a bit (somehow, though, at bedtime she manages to read book after book after book for two hours some nights!), but then she wants me to read a book to her or make a craft or bake something.  I love spending time with my girl, and I am thrilled that she wants to do those things with me.  BUT...I also desperately want, maybe even NEED, some time to myself.  Even just to go to the bathroom without an audience.

I don't feel like I am asking too much.  I want to check e-mail and facebook, read a book, or blog.  If I think I'm being too selfish or wasting my precious time, then I quickly manage to find something to DO.  Make supper. Put away the clean dishes.  Reload the dishwasher.  Fold some clothes.  Throw more dirty clothes in the washer.  Sweep and mop the floor.  Clean the toilets.  Vacuum.  Well, that one I would never do during nap time.  Heaven forbid I do anything to wake the sleeping children!

This afternoon, I wanted to take pictures of some slings and nursing covers I had sewn.  As I was posting the pictures to my facebook page, Coralyn is crawling all over me.  I suggest that perhaps she just sit next to me on the couch and read a book.  So she does, but she scoots right beside me, our thighs touching.  Then, she grabs onto my finger, which is such a sweet gesture that I can't deny her this small request.  I'm sure there will come a day when I want to give her a hug or have her hold my hand and she will want absolutely nothing to do with me, let alone be in the same room with me snuggled up on the couch.

Thankfully, she ended up moving to the floor (when I did) and is now content reading an entire basket of books.

I was almost to the breaking point.  I did, in fact, let her know, "Coralyn, I love you, but I just need some space.  I need some alone time."  We already made cornbread together.  We already decorated a card too.  I was ready to do "my thing."  I just couldn't handle her being glued to my side.  When Kellah is awake, I feel like we're attached at the hip, or more literally at the chest as she still nurses on demand throughout the day (praise Jesus she is finally sleeping through the night, at almost 14 months old!).  I just wanted to be able to sit and type without being bumped and pushed and squashed.

Kind of like I would like to sleep at night without Coralyn's knee jabbing my back or her snoring right in my ear or having her teddy bear and monkey and cat smothering me.  I can't even have a moment to myself in the middle of the night!  I waited nearly 14 months for Kellah to sleep through the night, and right when she does, Coralyn decides to start coming into our room nearly every night between midnight and 3 am.  Again, I know there will be a day when she would rather die than sleep curled up next to me, and I am so thankful she knows she is safe with us and can come to us anytime she needs to do so.  BUT...I really would like to enjoy an good night's rest!

As I was telling Coralyn earlier, "I just need some space!" I wondered if God ever feels the same way?  I wonder if He ever sighs or gets annoyed or frustrated at us for following Him everywhere, asking Him the same question over and over and over again, or whining that we want Him to do something with us or for us.  I know I would.  Uh, that I do.  And I am only dealing with 3-5 children on any given day.  And 3 of them go home by 4:30!  I can't imagine how God must feel with the responsibility to take care of and provide for over 6 billion people, not to mention keeping the planets aligned and the stars in place and the deciding the weather for the entire planet!  I'm tired just thinking about that!

Thankfully, God never clinches His teeth to tell me, "Sarah, I just need some space!"  Quite the opposite, He invites me to spend time with Him.  He longs for me to abide in His presence.  He WANTS me to be by His side at all times.

And for that reason, HE is my SPACE.  When I feel overwhelmed, I need to remember to run to Him, even if I take all the children with me.  Only then will I learn to rest.  Only then will I be filled with peace.  The peace I so desperately need if I am going to love and enjoy the precious boys and girls vying for my attention all day long.

Speaking of being needed.  The little baby girl I watch just woke up.  I guess I've had enough "me time."