Mommy, I Love You

Lately, Coralyn has been coming up to me and telling me, "Mommy, I love you," without any prompting or for any real reason on her part.  Sometimes she will be playing and then out of nowhere just announce, "I love you, Mommy."  It melts my heart.  Every time.

No less than 25 times I have heard her affirmation of love for me today alone.

And each time she whispers, shouts, or just declares, "Mommy, I love you," I am reminded how very blessed I am.  With each "I love you," I can't help but think of Alicia Ewing sitting in the hospital, watching her son Levi suffer and knowing there's nothing left the doctors can do to help him.  I can't help but wonder how many times Alicia has bent over and kissed Levi's head and sobbed in his ear, "I love you."  I can't help but feel her pain and grief as I realize that she will never hear her son say those words back to her.  Unless God intervenes, she will never have the experience that I have had numerous times today.  That feeling in deep inside you, as you bubble up with joy and happiness, as you share those special memories with your child, treasuring them heart and locking them away forever and always.

Just moments ago, as Coralyn and I were enjoying some sunshine out on the porch while the younger kiddos napped, she throws her arms up in the air and screams, "I love you, Mommy!  I love you forever!"  I immediately thought of the book we have read together many a time:

And so, I replied, "I love you forever and always, amen," to top her declaration of love for me.   Then, I grabbed her and squeezed her tight, giving her a great big hug, as if to make sure she understood just how much I truly love her.

I thought of how God's love for us never fails, never fades, never ends.  This morning I read in Psalm 36:

Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens;
    your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
    your justice like the ocean depths.

I prayed that God would make this vast, unfailing love known to the Ewing family.  That His faithfulness would be evident, despite their present situation.  

I'm not even going to pretend to understand what God is doing, how this is for their good, or how He is going to bring glory to His name through such terrible circumstances.  I'm not going to pretend I like what He's doing or that I am okay with it.  I want to scream and yell and shout.  I want to kick and punch and throw a full blown tantrum.  I want to say with gritted teeth and clinched fists, as Coralyn sometimes does with me, "I am frustrated with you!"

And even if I did all that, God would just look at me and say, "I love you."

His love will always be bigger than mine, go farther, stay longer, and reach deeper (and higher).  I may not always understand His love, like right now.  And so I just pray.  Sometimes I don't know what to pray or feel like I am just saying the same things over and over again, not making any sense at all.  Hopefully, it's times like these when the Spirit intercedes and prays for us, on our behalf, on behalf of those whom we love deeply and want to take away all their troubles, but can't.

Oh, how I pray that the Ewings will hear God whispering, "I love you.  I really do love you," over and over and over again as they sit in that hospital.  

And beyond all human reasoning, I pray with my mother's heart that God will indeed intervene and heal Levi.  I know He can.  So, I can't give up.  Not yet.  And so I pray once more, God please let Alicia hear Levi tell her, as Coralyn as done so many times today, "Mommy, I love you."  Please let her heart melt into a puddle when she hugs her son back and exclaims, "I love you too!"