Empty

That is how my heart feels. Well, actually it feels quite full, and even overflowing at times, of emotion, but in a sense there is an empty space.

My house feels empty this morning too. Because we now have an empty bedroom. A bedroom that was full of Shadow yesterday now only contains remnants of his presence with us the past two weeks.

"Wait a second!" You are probably thinking to yourselves. "Didn't Sarah just blog about how wonderfully the party went and how Shadow responded so positively to all the people coming and supporting him?"

Yes, Yes, I did. But what a difference a few hours can make.

Almost as soon as I was done blogging about the successful birthday party, I got a call from Shadow's caseworker. She wanted to let me know that Shadow's dad had been picked up by the Buckner police for threatening his girlfriend with a knife. After being taken in by the police, Shadow's dad proceeded to threaten to slit anyone's throat who had a part in his son being "taken." To add to the drama, he confided that he knew our address and had planned on being at our church on Sunday morning. I thought these were empty threats at first, as I naively believed Shadow had no way of contacting his dad, let alone getting him this specific of information. Oh how wrong I was!

After catching my breath and trying to calm my pulsing heart, I went upstairs and told Shadow we should start cleaning and organizing his room. Thankfully, this was a pre-planned idea, as I would never have been able to just waltz in his room and just start going through his stuff since I was home alone with Shadow and Coralyn (who took an amazing 3 and a half hour nap that allowed me to get everything done that I needed to yesterday afternoon during the chaotic hours before Lawrence got home). I had promised I would help him make space in his room for all his new birthday stuff, so in we went to get the job done. What he didn't know was that I was on the look for a cell phone and anything else that might need to be confiscated.

I didn't think I would find anything, or at least I didn't want to. We had helped him unpack the first night he was in our home and didn't see anything noteworthy at that time, so I figured all was well. Again, how wrong I was! Not only did I find a cell phone (which he claimed didn't work, but I wasn't born yesterday and know that when you push a button and the screen comes on that the phone works). The phone went directly into my pocket, despite Shadow's pleas that it was broken and he just wanted to throw it away. Upon further searching, I mean "cleaning," I found about 5 lighters (he was expelled from school for having lighters and using them). They also went in my pocket. Next, I found what I thought was a box of matches, but when I opened it, I found used cigarettes and some other stuff I didn't recognize (found out later it was indeed drugs, which he has used in the past). Finally, I found a credit card that definitely didn't belong to Shadow, or anyone in his family based on the names I knew from his records. So with my pockets full, and Shadow's room much cleaner, I called the case worker to let her know what I had found.

I tried to use the phone to find text messages, and did. I was shaking too much to be of any good though, so I had to wait until Lawrence got home to do some further searching. Unfortunately, he had Back to School Night (where students and parents come to meet their teachers before school starts) and wouldn't be home until later than usual. As soon as he got home though, he was able to look through the phone and found text messages indicating that Shadow had indeed given his dad the exact address of our church. He had texted some other pretty specific information as well, making it clear that it was no longer safe for Shadow to be in our home.

After much prayer (and hair pulling) we decided that Shadow would have to leave our home immediately. Thankfully, God provided a foster home for him to stay at until Wednesday. At that point he will be moved yet again. I'm not sure if the police will be involved due to the drugs in his possession. All I know is that my heart breaks for this young boy who has grown up in a terrible environment. He doesn't seem to realize how dangerous his dad is or what kind of awful lifestyle he is living. How I pray that he will choose a different path!

I know Shadow was only in our home for two short weeks, but I pray those days make a difference in his life. I know that we followed God's lead and were supposed to have Shadow in our home, but I am saddened about how things turned out. I guess that is part of following after God, you don't know all the details. You just trust Him and take one step at a time. And we will keep on following Him, as we truly believe He has called us to foster parent and open our home, and hearts, to these children who so desperately need love.

Please pray for our continued safety as this situation works itself out, and please pray for Shadow as he transitions yet again. If anyone needs a miracle, he does!

And so as I get ready to go about my day, my heart is both extremely full, yet empty.