Fear Not

As we enter the month of August, the school year is just around the corner.  Summer has flown by, as have the first 7 months of this year, actually!  We have certainly had our share of fun in 2012, but, quite unfortunately, we have also had our share of sorrow, grief, pain, and sadness.  Much, much more than I would ever want in a lifetime, let alone just 7 months.

We have come along side friends struggling financially, knowing all too well how they are questioning where the money is going to come day to day.  We have done our best to comfort friends as they mourned the loss of a loved one, some far, far too young to have said good-bye.  We have prayed with others for God's healing hand as they face illness or disease or cancer and now a brain tumor.  With all this turmoil and seeming chaos, I have experienced a war raging inside me.  A grueling battle is being fought for control of my heart and mind.  I wish that I could report how easily God's Spirit was winning, but I would be lying.

No, instead, I am afraid that Satan has captured far too many victories.  That in itself is a huge part of the problem: I am afraid.  I have let fear creep in, and now it has a firm grasp, kind of like a choke hold.  With each trial that we have faced personally or have witnessed our friends (and even strangers) encounter, my questions go left unanswered.  And as my questions pile up, so does my doubt.  And fear.

Since my cries of "Why?!" have not been satisfied (and they really won't be, can't be, until Jesus returns and I get to look at the situation from beginning to end as only God is able), I have turned to playing the "What If?" game.  Sadly, I am getting far too good at it.

What if something happens to Coralyn or Kellah while they are sleeping?  
What if they don't wake up?


What if the way I am feeling means that I have a serious illness?
What if my health problem (whatever it may be) can't be fixed?


What if we get pregnant again and we miscarry again?
What if we get pregnant and something is wrong with the baby?
What if everything appears fine at first and then all of a sudden my child gets deathly sick?


What if Lawrence gets in a car accident on his way to work?
What if I get in an accident while I am out running errands?

The "What If" game is kind of like Monopoly -- it never seems to end!  And you never actually win.

Yesterday, as I was overcome with grief for the Ewings, fear also flooded my mind and my heart.  I was drowning in tears and ran to the bathroom so that Coralyn wouldn't see me crying (she gets pretty upset if she recognizes that I am sad).  As I wept, God seemed to whisper, "I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7)


I picked myself up off the floor of the wrestling mat.  I wiped the blood from my mouth and glared at Satan.  He may have thought he was going to win yet another round, that I was down and out from his latest attack.  Yeah, he did have a pretty good one-two punch, but he forgot that God is in my corner, not just coaching me, but also strengthening me with HIS power.  He forgot that God has a pretty good upper cut Himself.  With God's help, I was able to fight off and defeat Satan, for that round.  The match isn't over yet, though.  Far from it.

Today, and every day, I must get up and arm myself for battle.
     "A final word: Be strong in the Lord and HIS mighty power.  Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil." (Ephesians 6:10-18)

With every fiery arrow that Satan has shot my way, God has given me verses to act as a shield to protect my heart and mind.

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed.  We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.  We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.  Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."  (2 Corinthians 4:8-18)

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.  I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources, He will empower you with inner strength from His Holy Spirit.  Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust Him.  Your roots will grow down in God's love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."  (Ephesians 3:14-19)

I don't have the answers.  All my questions still remain, but I must choose not to let them hang over my head, to drag me down.  Instead, I must rise above them and keep on running the race that God has laid before me.  Not just laid before me, but prepared especially for me, having first gone before me and is now with me, by my side every single step of the way.  


And so I cannot question His love for me.  I cannot doubt His plans or purposes.  I may not have the answers, but HE does.  And for now, that will have to be enough.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, according to His POWER that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen!"