Open and Expansive

I finished reading Kisses from Katie, finally.  It was such a good book.  I think I would have read it all in one sitting, if only my family didn't need me for a whole day.  It was probably best that I took a couple of weeks to read the book, though.  That way I had time to think about what I had read, chew on it, digest it.  You know, have my heart ripped out multiple times as I read story after story of how Katie encountered the hungry and hurting, the blind, the lame, the outcasts, those seemingly beyond help.  And how she stopped to help every single one that she could, one at a time.  And as a result, how she watched God do the impossible time after time after time.

I was so deeply convicted.  I am now trying to process all that I have read and learned.  My heart is broken, shredded and torn to pieces.  And I am left with a sense of urgency, a desperateness of sorts, to actually act, to do something, right now.  I have no idea what that something is.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I have plenty of ideas:
     *Foster parenting
     *Adopting, either through foster parenting or internationally, or both!
     *Going to Uganda and working with Kaite
     *Going anywhere to work with oprhaned, abandoned children and/or the poor
Seriously, if Lawrence said, "Let's move to Africa."  I would start packing my bags, immediately. 

BUT, that hasn't happened...yet!

So, for now at least, I need to think more locally.  Which means that this are viable options:
     *Participating in our church's monthly WOW projects
     *Donating clothes, toys, etc. to ministries like Love, Inc. or Hilcrest here in the Liberty area
     *Serving meals or interacting in some way with the homeless or those who struggle to meet their most basic needs of clothing, food, and shelter

Or, here's one for ya (for me) that doesn't even require me to leave my house:
     *PRAY for the missionaries I know, like really, truly pray for them
     *PRAY for my church, again, in earnestness (like I did for Baby Samuel)
     *PRAY for my friends, those in our small group and others from college (but most of those fall under the first category of missionaries, so I guess I can pray doubly for them!)
     *PRAY for my family, especially those who do not yet trust Christ as their Savior (I just started reading Erasing Hell by Francis Chan and am realizing how serious and important these prayers are!)
     *PRAY for my husband
     *PRAY for my girls, that above all they would know Jesus, love Him wholehearted, and live boldly and passionately for Him all of their days (which means I have to model this for them)

I guess I really do have quite a few ideas of what I can/could do.  Besides praying, I'm not sure exactly what God wants for/of me.  But I am ready and willing to do anything, anything that God would have me to do. 

I do believe, however, that it is going to be something BIG.  You know, God-sized.  Like, it could in no way happen without Him.  As in, people would see this and have to admit that God alone had done it, that it was all Him.  Not Sarah.  Not Lawrence.  Not the two of us together.  Oh no, just Jesus.  Like Katie writes, "We can't do it in our own strength or out of our own resources, but as we follow God to wherever He is leading us, He makes the impossible happen." 

And so, she challenged me to live openly and expansively, to give everything I have and all that I am for the sake of Christ.  She used Paul's words to the Corinthians to remind me that I need to trust God completely, to give Him free reign in my life, no matter the cost...because the reward is always worth it, making up -- usually in abudnace -- for anything I may have lost or given up.  She quoted the Message version of 2 Corinthians 6:10-13,

People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly...

in hard times, tough times, bad times;

when we're beaten up, jailed, and mobbed;

working hard working late, working without eating;

with pure heart, clear head, steady hand;

in gentleness, holiness, and honest love;

when we're telling the truth and when God's showing His power;

when we're doing our best setting things right;

when we're praised, and when we're blamed; slandered, and honored;

true to our word, though distrusted;

ignored by the world, but recognized by God;

terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead;

beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die;

 immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy;

 living on handouts, yet enriching many;

having nothing, having it all. 

Dear, dear Corinthians, I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. 

We didn't fence you in.  The smallnesss you feel comes from within you. 

Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. 

I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. 

Open up your lives.  Live openly and expansively!  

Then, she shares her response, her life mission statement really.  "I want to give my life away for Christ.  I want to exemplify Him in my every day.  I want to live an open and expansive live, giving myself freely to all those around me for His glory.  God answers this prayer every day of my life with new opportunities.  I want to live openly and expansively, loving my neighbor as myself, until Jesus comes back."

Later, she reminds us, though, that this type of life is not possible in and of ourselves.  "We aren't really called to save the world, not even to save one person; Jesus does that.  We are just called to love with abandon.  We are called to enter into our neighbors' sufferings and love them right there."  Simple, yes.  Scary, definitely!  Terrifying even.  But, also fulfilling...certainly!  Truly and deeply satisfying...absoulely!  Rewarding, no question about it!

And thus, I must agree with Katie. 

I, too, want to give my life away for Christ. 

To exemplify Him every single day. 

To live an open and expansive life,

To give myself freely to all those around me. 

For His glory.

Until Jesus comes back.

Like I said, at this point, I don't know exactly what all that entails.  Maybe it will mean checking into something I heard on K-Love today.  New Horizons for Children is looking for families to sponsor/host an orphaned child for 4-6 weeks this summer.  I have actually already looked at the website, as the announcement caught my attention, not to mention grabbed at my heart.  It's definitely a God-sized opportunity, as it would require us to raise almost $3,000 to pay for the child's travel and program expenses.

I did get a free "make-over" today to be entered into a Mary Kay contest.  The grand prize winner gets $5,000 to donate to the charity of their choice and then $2,500 for themselves!  If I do win, the $5,000 will go to Ponca Bible Camp, and I can't think of a better way to spend the $2,500 then on making it possible for an orphaned child to come to the United States and be part of a loving family for the summer. 

Like I said, lots of ideas.  But even more praying, as I try to wrap my mind around what I have read and learned, as I hand my heart over to God so that He can use me in whatever way HE thinks best.