Boys Are Stupid

I am referring to male animals, not men. I want to make that perfectly clear.

This weekend Lawrence and I watched a documentary on Yellowstone National Park. We were amazed at the beauty of God's creation and in awe of how He created each animal to survive in that environment. The fact that anything survives the brutal 6-month long winter there is astonishing in and off itself. However, one other thing stood out to me in particular: boy animals are stupid!

Throughout the documentary, we would see how various animals live. They featured elk, moose, bears, otters, wolves, rams, bison, and several other creatures. For each and every animal, I can now give you an example of how the male of the species is, in my opinion, a moron.

Elk: the male elk struts around for like 6 weeks, bugling and showing off how wonderful he is, in an attempt to win females for his harem. During this time he often goes without eating. That right there is stupid. The females, on the other hand, are smartly eating all they can to store up for winter, knowing the time is coming when food will be extremely scarce. Plus, the girls aren't even ready to mate yet, so why waste so much time trying to get their attention?! Anyway, once the girls are ready, the male elk battle it out with each other to see who will win the harem of females. They clang their antlers together, trying their best to stab one another in the neck and show the girls who is strongest. Usually the loser dies. On a good day, he walks away with minor injuries and his pride hurt. He gets no girls. All that strutting and bugling and going without food for nothing. Moron.

Moose: are very similar to the elk. Only, they pee on themselves and go dip their antlers in the muddy water and get them all covered in gunk. Apparently, this is supposed to impress the female moose. Like the elk, they clash their antlers together, fighting to the death in most cases. Winner gets all, looser either dies or goes away with nothing. Morons.

Bison: again, they fight each other to prove who is biggest, baddest, and strongest. Only one male gets the girls in the herd. All the other lesser males have to wait until next year to try to prove again they are worthy of mating with the girls. There are plenty of female bison. Why can't each male get a girl and have a happy little bison family? Morons.

Rams: this was my favorite. Before the boys fight, they check each other out. Literally, they walk around and kick each other. Once they have a feel for their competition, the fight begins. They stand apart, face one another, and then run full force and smash their heads together. Just like the elk, moose, and bison, only one male gets to mate with the females. All the others are losers and have made idiots of themselves. I think they're all morons.

Bears: changing gears a little. The documentary didn't mention anything about male bears fighting each other to win the respect of a female and the privilege of mating with her. Instead, it talked about how mother bears don't want male bears coming anywhere near her cubs. Why? Because the male won't hesitate to eat them! After all that effort to get offspring, he would go and eat a cub?! Moron!

Otters: same as bears, only the documentary just said the male otters would be more than okay with taking food from the babies to eat for themselves. So, the mother otter has to fight off the males who try to come close to her family. Once again, why go to all the trouble of having offspring if you are going to eat their food and make it hard for them to survive? Morons.

Wolves: I can't remember what retarded thing the male wolves did, but I am sure they were morons too.

I know God had a plan and purpose for making each animal the way He did. And I realize His way is best. I am not questioning that. Though I do wonder why in the world His plan and purpose includes the males of the species acting so stupid. At least, they are stupid in my mind. I am really glad God's plan and purpose for the human race was quite different. Can you imagine a guy trying to win a girl's heart by covering his hair in mud, strutting around, yelling at the top of his lungs, and head-butting other guys? It would definitely get my attention, but not my love and affection. Thankfully, Lawrence isn't a moron. Quite the opposite. So, I guess all boys aren't stupid after all, at least not mine!