I am writing this with great sadness and sorrow. I don't really know where to begin or what to say once I do. So, I guess I will just get right to the point.

Baby Samuel is at home with Jesus this morning.

Yesterday, Brian and Grace made the decision to take Samuel off all machines, leaving their son completely in the hands of the Lord. They felt like this is what God would have them do at this time, giving their precious baby boy back to Him, however that would play out.

We all prayed for a miracle. We have all been praying for the past 3 and half weeks for God to heal Baby Samuel. We fasted. We cried out to God. We got on our knees and pleaded with God on behalf of this baby boy and his family.

I know God heard our prayers, but why He didn't answer them the way we wanted, I have absolutely no clue. In fact, I am struggling with anger and frustration, confusion and doubt. I have never prayed so hard, with so much faith, for anything ever before. I truly believed God was going to come through and heal Baby Samuel.

I'm not saying that God let us down. I am admitting, though, that I don't understand (or like) His plans and purposes right now. In my little human mind I think that healing Baby Samuel would certainly have brought massive amounts of glory to God's name. He would have shown His power, proving He can do the humanly/medically impossible. All of us who have been praying so fervently for God to act would have burst out in praise, thanking God for His miraclous and wondrous work! Many others, especially skeptics, would have to give credit to God alone and confess that He indeed is Lord.

So, I am left wondering why God sees things differently. He is all about bringing glory to His name, showing His power, drawing people to Him, etc. He never goes against His character, which is one of love and goodness, faithfulness and mercy, justice and truth. Therefore, I must believe, whether I like it or not, that God's plans are better than mine, that His ways are perfect, that He has a reason for acting in this way. What's more, I can't have my praise of God depend on Him doing what I wanted, when I wanted. That would be conditional worship, and not true worship at all.

I can't help but think of the verse/song, "The Lord gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Everything within me wants to scream and shout at God. I want to throw some stuff at Him too, heavy stuff like rocks and fifty pound dumb bells. I want to be mad, furious really, at God for not healing this precious baby boy, for allowing his family to experience such sadness and grief as they mourn the loss of their infant son.

BUT, that is exactly what Satan wants. Just like in the case of Job, the devil wants our love of God and obedience to Him to depend on what He does for us, on how much He blesses us. The second something goes wrong or the cost of discipleship gets a little too steep, Satan wants us to throw in the towel.

And so, that is what I will NOT be doing. Instead, I am going to hit Satan in the face with my white towel. I am going to smack him so hard that it stings and leaves a mark. I may not understand or like the fact that God chose to take Baby Samuel home today, but I will praise Jesus all the same. I will trust that His plans are better, by far, than mine. I will wait with expectation to see how God uses all this to bring massive amounts of glory to His name, that is what I prayed so hard for after all.

I don't really know too much else. I don't have any more details. I do want to thank all of you who have prayed so faithfully and earnestly for Baby Samuel and his family. Many of you have never met Brian and Grace, or their kids, but you prayed for them all the same. I know your prayers were a huge encouragement to the Allen family the past 3 and a half weeks. Your faith and love and support were a source of strength and peace to them. I know they would give you each a big hug if they could.

I also know that Grace, and her whole family, will be praising God today, and every day. They are just that amazing, and close to their Savior. Please join them, and of course continue to pray for them. I can't imagine being in their position (nor do I ever want to), but I am sure they would appreciate pray for peace, strength, hope, and even joy. Satan may have thought he won this battle, but oh how wrong he is! May he realize he has messed with the wrong people and stirred within us a spark that will set our faith ablaze and serve to draw us all the closer to our Jesus as we go to Him now for the comfort that only He can give.