Sound of Music

I have been grieving for Brian and Grace all morning. I was praying for them while I was running earlier. I was once again begging God to heal their baby boy.

Little did I know, Baby Samuel was already in the arms of Jesus.

Lawrence got the email and let me know the sad news as I got out of the shower.

Ever since then, it's seems as if every single song that has played on K-Love was meant specificially for me, for all of us who are trying to get our hearts and minds around the plans and purposes that God has in all this, how He is going to work everything out for good, how He is going to bring more glory to His name this way than He would have by healing Baby Samuel here on earth.

Right now I am listening to David Crowder sing, "Oh how He loves us...If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking. Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss. My heart turns violently inside my chest...Oh how He loves us."

In the last hour, I have heard:

Brit Nicole, "All this time from the first tear cry to today's sunrise and every single moment between, You were there. You were always there. It was You, and I You've been walking with me all this time."

Lincoln Brewster, "You are the everlasting God, the everlasting God. You do not faint. You won't grow weary. You're the defender of the weak. You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." Brian and Grace kind of adopted this as their theme song these past weeks as they waited for God to act, and heal their baby boy.

Building 429, "So when the walls come falling down on me, and when I'm lost in the current of the raging sea, I have this blessed assurance holding me: All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus."

Matt Maher remdinded me Your Grace Is Enough.

Aaron Shust encouraged me with My Hope Is in You.

Jeremy Camp helped me look ahead with There Will Be a Day. Right now I am ready more than ever for that day when we are all in Jesus' presence, and there is no more suffering, pain, or loss. No more tears. No more sadness. Just joy and peace. Just Jesus!

I had to stop writing for a bit, so we could go to Carson's birthday party. It was so much fun to see him again and help him celebrate his 4th birthday. Coralyn had a blast driving power wheel of all sorts, swinging, playing in the houses, sliding, and even going on the "rollercoaster" in the backyard! Of course, she had a huge piece of cake, with a generous helping of frosting, not to mention a scoop of ice cream! (Pictures to come.) We are home now, and I am hoping she crashes from her sugar high soon! Though I know the minute -- no, second -- she wakes up she is going to ask for the candy she got from the pinata!

After we got the girls settled in their beds, I turned the radio back on, and it was as if the music picked up right where we had left off a few hours before. All the songs have been speaking to my wounded heart, reassuring me of God's goodness and faithfulness, of His never-ending, unfailing love. Somehow, I can sing along and honestly praise God. There's really nothing better to do. I need Him now more than ever; we all do.

Right now Natalie Grant is singing Held, which she wrote after her friend lost her infant. She says, "This is what it means to be held. How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life. And you survive. This is what it is to be loved and know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held."

Mercy Me just finished The Hurt and the Healer. The words of this song are so extremely fitting; I have to include all the lyrics right here:

Why?

The question that is never far away

But healing doesn't come from the explained

Jesus, please don't let this go in vain

You're all I have, all that remains

So here I am, what's left of me

When glory meets my suffering

I'm alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I fall into your arms open wide

When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe

Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do

Pain so deep that I can hardly move

Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You

Lord, take hold and pull me through

So here I am, what's left of me

When glory meets my suffering

It's the moment when humanity

Is overcome by majesty

When grace is ushered in for good

And all our scars are understood

When mercy takes its rightful place

And all these questions fade away

When out of weakness we must bow

And hear you say "It's over now"

Jesus, come and break my fear

Wake my heart and take my tears

Find your glory even here

When the hurt and the healer collide

Well, that's about sums it up. The songs keep coming, and I can't keep up.

I want to end with one other thought that has been playing over and over in my head all day. Well, ever since Samuel was born really.

When I was in college my good friend Sam Hanson went through a hard time. His mom got cancer. We prayed earnestly for her to be healed. And she was! For awhile. Then the cancer came back. Eventually, Sam's mom went to be with Jesus. At the funeral, Sam's older sister Sarah said something that impacted me greatly, and I have never forgotten her words, nor her perspective during such a difficult period in her life. It's been a few years, so I realize this isn't verbatim, but still the impact is there.

Sarah told us, "I feel blessed and honored that God would count us worthy to go through this, that He thinks we can handle this and bring glory to Him through all this."

Last week, on Friday at our church's Worship Night, I had the opportunity to talk with Grace. I was hoping to encourage her, or at least let her know that I was praying for her, that thousands of people were praying for her and Samuel. But it was Grace who blessed me! Her words, and outlook on her situation, were so similar to Sarah Hanson's. Grace shared with me how she was praising God and thanking Him for using Samuel's story to bring so many people back to Himself, to "wake up" souls that had been asleep spiritually. Here Grace is, not knowing if her baby boy is going to live or die, and she is focused on the good work that God is doing, around the world, through her son. She could have thrown a pity party for herself, but instead she was there at church singing her heart out to Jesus, worshipping Him with her entire being.

May I do the same!